THE REAL SIDE

It’s only a few days into this requested self quarantine.  For those of us with kids, it’s hard.  For those of us with teens, it’s HELL!

This is an adjustment for ALL of us.  Yet they think the rules don’t (or shouldn’t) apply to them.  And for those of us with Seniors in high school, we most whole heartedly agree!!

This is BullSHIT!!!  Sorry for the profanity, but not at the same time.  Emotions are flying high, tempers are flaring and I don’t know a mom who isn’t on the verge of tears on some level.

Everyone is scrambling, the future of the economy looks bleak, and many are wondering what the future holds.  The media is all over the place.  We are simply looking for the facts, when all the media wants to do is offer the most GRIPPING story, which, by the way is filled with gloom and doom … And don’t get me started on social media platforms and the word “from the people”.   If I see ONE more Costco post and how people are WRAPPED around the building two hours before opening…. WHY I OUGHTAAAA….

How in the hell do we keep a sense of normalcy in the face of a tiger that is about to consume us all?  It is no wonder that people are panic buying and thinking of no one but themselves.

How do we navigate the waters with our kids?  HOW DO WE GET THROUGH WEEKS WITH THEM HOME WITH NO PLAN?

I have seen and heard many parents issuing concern.  And I don’t blame them.  These are crazy times and the outcome as of now, is uncertain.

My daughter had a bit of a melt down yesterday.  She wanted to meet a few friends and I said NO!  I know, I’m going to hell, and at this point, there will be a long line for that too.  But the truth is, teenagers cannot see two minutes in front of their faces.  Everything is important to them and missing out on something, well, you might as well cut off one of their feet.

Younger kids might be easier to navigate, because they still have a bit of imagination and the younger they are, the more the sense of wonder.  Throw a fort a those kids are you are good to go!

But teenagers… The FOMO kids (“Fear of Missing Out).  FUGGETABOUTIT…. Their world has literally ended with each second of each minute of each muthafuckin day.

The will NEVER assimilate unless they can participate in SOMETHING that is going on outside their house.

This is where parenting gets hard.  We LOVE our children.  We KNOW how they feel.  We WANT to give in…

But we can’t.

And that alone eats away at our souls.

My daughter is a senior.  She is missing out on a few activities at her school, as well as possibly prom and potentially graduation.  We don’t know at this time.  My kid is literally mourning her childhood before she’s had a chance to live it.

I TOTALLY GET THIS!!!

But as parents, we have to see the bigger picture.  AND WE DO.  But conveying that to a passionate teenager is HARD!!  They just don’t get it.  Their development ISN’T THERE!

And THAT is why we are called PARENTS.

Shout out to anyone who hasn’t been pissed at their parents as a teenager.   Actually, that’s a joke, they don’t exist.  Because we have ALL been pissed at our parents at one point or another.

The truth is, at this point, things are bound to get worse before they get better.  So my question is this…

What are you going to do about it?

CRY with your child for what they are losing?  Ya, that is okay for a bit.  We are all hurting.  But you can’t keep that up for long.  Because though it sucks, your child is NOT a victim, this is just an unfortunate moment that no one expected and we are ALL dealing with it.

We need to teach our kids that life is NOT what we expect it to be and it can change at any second and we need to roll with the punches.  We need a plan B.  We need to be RESILIENT.

So HOW will you handle your plan B?

I will be honest.  My dad died when he was 63.  I was pregnant with my first child (I was his fourth child).  I never expected he wouldn’t be there.  But it wasn’t my decision. He promised he would try to be there; he’d walked me down the aisle just 15 months before … This wasn’t his plan either.  But life happened.  Death happened.  My daughter and her cousin (born within two weeks) never got to meet their grandpa (Moshu).

I learned a long time ago that we don’t always get what we want out of life.  We truly have to duck and weave and hopefully find the positives along the way.

So now what?

We have this “situation” looming before us.  It’s uncomfortable, unpredictable and yes… scary.  What is your plan B?

THIS is the time to build our kids up.  THIS is the time to come to the table with positives.  THIS is the time to show them WE HAVE POWER!!  True, it may not be the power of comfort, but it’s the power of THE MOMENT!!

Being a lifelong sufferer of anxiety, I have been told, “Anxiety is fear of the future”.  Yes…damn right…

But I do have the power of the NOW!

For me, personally, I think to myself down to the very basics… “I have my health”  Or as Oprah would say, “I have my breath”.  I have always loved that.  I have worked that into a mantra that helps me in crazy times.   “I am here now”  When I say this, I realize that I have health, home, family, food, love and a small circumference of peace.  This helps me tremendously.  Because I know if I am grounded in the moment, I have strength.

As for the rest, I am looking for ways of positivity.  Support from community. Emotional support from friends.  If we have friends, we have POWER.  If we have support, we have POWER.  We are NEVER alone in how we feel  If you feel pain, there is someone else out there who feels the same.

In times unscripted, like now, we have to find normalcy and calm in the crazy.  We have to find the peace in the war.  That ALL starts inside us all.  We need to quiet the monsters that are screaming at us, level ourselves, and make a plan.  We didn’t expect this, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t command it.

Let’s work together, as a people, to quiet the monster.  Let’s make a plan for ourselves and our families to get through this in LOVE and COMPASSION.  If you are healthy, find ways to give back.  If you are weak, find ways to accept help.  But don’t be afraid to voice who you are.  Let the loud noises dissipate and start looking inward.  Feel the love of those around you and together will will see the light on the other side.

These are trying times, but we are strong people.  Leaning on each other in truth and love, we are one people.  We got this YO!!!