Keeping it Light in Dark Times

These are some dark times. These last (how many months has it been?) have tried us on so many levels. There are times (and I know I am not alone) that I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. And with each day, I think tomorrow will be better, only, there are more trials to get through. I feel like the very fabric of our souls are being torn apart thread by thread. It’s so depressing.

I realize I haven’t written much lately, but honestly what is there to write? This Coronacation has thrown me into a bit of a depression questioning so many things, there was no motivation to write, let alone get out of bed. Watching my senior systematically fall apart at the loss of her senior year, all the events, including graduation…stick a fork in me, I’m done.

I find it funny, that at the end of every year (and I mean EVERY.YEAR), I see people saying, “I can’t wait til the New Year! Things will be better next year for sure!” And I wonder where they get these ideas. True, there are 365 days in a year, and we look forward to “new beginnings”…but the truth is, we are given one opportunity at any given time, and that is the NOW.

We are such a funny people. We wait until Mondays to start a diet, we look forward to New Years to create those resolutions, it seems we are always waiting for SOMETHING and not realizing that in fact, tomorrow is NEVER promised to us. Why are we so arrogant to think we have time? And why do we feel it necessary to wait?

I won’t lie…in the midst of this Pandemic (or shall I call it all Lunacy, because that is what it actually feels like) I can’t wait until it’s over, just like everyone else. But in truth, when I break it down, what I am really looking forward to going back to “normal”. And I have realized many times over, in light of recent chaotic events that have taken place, we may never see that “normal” again. And it scares the hell out of me. I have said it many times over the last few months, I HATE this world we are living in today. Our freedom is basically gone, people are tearing each other apart, people are getting physically attacked and dying because they don’t have the same beliefs as someone else, and we are afraid to leave our homes. What is this hell we are living in? How will THAT reverse itself in any amount of time? There is a huge part of me that fears it never will.

That said, I have had to seriously take stock in my world and what I CAN control. I can control my actions. I can control how I choose to interact with people. I can do my best to support the people I love by letting them know they are not alone. I can do my best to inspire others to try things they have never done before. I can pick up the phone and say hi to a friend and start up a nice conversation. I can walk around the beauty that is my city. I can smile when I walk by someone. I can scroll past the negativity I see on facebook. I can respect that others don’t share my same opinions. I can keep my FB feed as light as possible. I can look inward to myself and figure out where I can grow as a human being. I can support my family emotionally when they need me. I can turn off the media and focus in the small circumference of my life, and do what I can to keep myself safe during this uncertain time. And most importantly, I can ask for support when I am feeling weak.

I have had to literally limit my husband from oversharing. At this point, he can see my eyes glazing over as he talks about events that I can’t control and will suck the life out of my soul if I keep listening.

It’s okay to admit you need support. It’s okay to admit that you hate what is going on right now. It’s okay to admit that you are depressed over all this or if you are feeling helpless or in despair.

For whatever reason, I feel we have been blessed at this time. We went through the crash in 2008 and that was a year of hell. But we got through it. We got through it and it kept getting better and better (with peaks and valleys of course in between). But we got through it.

This time around we are getting through it in a different way. I thank God for watching over us, and I’m not sure why we were given Grace, but I want to pay that forward in any way that I can.

This week I was contacted by a woman whom I never met. She found a response I put to someone on a group page and she reached out to me. I think she was a little taken aback that I was so open, but I loved our conversation. We are NEVER alone in this world and if that is your one takeaway from this, then it’s a good one.

Thank you to my friends who have let me know how I have helped them. Because of you, I want to do more and reach more people. I may not be a doctor, but I have a good ear and two comfy shoulders to cry on.

I pray if you aren’t sure what to do during this pandemic, just realize you are not alone, and you can make a difference. We are literally going through this on a global level, and there is someone out there who may need you somehow.

At this time where we can’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel…BE the light for someone in need. Let darkness be gone in your heart. Don’t wait for the pandemic to end, make a difference now.

We literally only have the Now… how will you choose to make a difference.

Be the change you wish to see in the world… ~Ghandi