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It’s been a minute, but here I am.  I had to take a hiatus, because I am human and though I may appear fine on the outside…shit’s going on inside that I can’t always explain.

If I could say ONE thing about myself that I am proud of… it’s that I SHARE!!  I share it all!  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I don’t do it to boast on any level, because some of it would be considered humiliating to many… I do it because I do not EVER want ANYONE in this life feeling like they are ALONE in their thoughts or their lives.

When my girls were growing up, I used to post about their trials as well as their tribulations.  My daughters were not always fans of my posts because they didn’t want their shit out there, but one time in particular, Aspen asked why I did it.  I told her that I knew she wouldn’t understand now, but after I made “said” post, I got a few private messages from moms who thanked me for my candidness.

I told Aspen that sometimes we have to be bigger than ourselves to help others.  She kind of understood it then (still not happy), but as the years have gone on, she has seen it more that being vulnerable isn’t such a bad thing.

Life is crazy…they days are long but the years are short…  We need to capitalize on every second that we can.

In the last few months of trying to figure out some things in my life, I decided to withdraw a bit.  Sometimes that is necessary in order to grow.  At this time, I’m not sure how much I have grown, because I have had some missteps along the way… but nothing I totally regret as every instance helps us grow stronger, if we let it.

I have learned to read between the lines in peoples facebook posts and it seems some have been able to do the same to mine.  In my attempt to be selective, it would appear that my weak side shows through.  I know not everyone will understand this, but some will and I don’t care to share more than that..  But what I have found in myself is that even at 53… we don’t have our shit figured out…  Life is a constant in twists and turns and ebbs and flows…

There are times in our lives when we really just lose ourselves without realizing it.  But I think the most important thing we can do is we can stop and take stock and pivot and shift as necessary.

But the goal is to evaluate every angle and proceed with caution.  A good friend once told me that it’s a bad time to make a choice or life decision when emotions are high.  I had to think about that statement a lot, because I didn’t see or hear what they were saying at the time to the extent it needed to be heard…  But, what I later found was I didn’t realize at the time how high the emotions were running or what the toll on my decision would be down the road, and it could have been bad.  I’m glad I took pause in that, because they were right.  I was ready to make some decisions that would not have been wise at that time.

I would like to go back to the days when I was 8 yrs old and thought getting in trouble for coming home late was the worst thing ever…. I would like to go back in time and tell my 14 year old self to enjoy the self induced drama now, because when you adult, it’s not necessarily self induced…it’s just DRAMA and you actually HAVE to deal with it…

I hate cryptic messages and I know some of this sounds cryptic, but it’s not about the actual incidents and more about the lessons along the way.

Make sure to take pause in your life many times and realize what is important and what isn’t.  Realize that building others up is important.  Realize that we are never alone in this world. If YOU feel it…someone else can sympathize, because THEY felt it.

Know that the smallest act of kindness can simply be showing your vulnerability.  And to that end…can we normalize HUGS again?  Cuz that would be great!!!! (at least for us huggers)…

I know this is somewhat of a random post, but I have so much swirling around in my head I just wanted to put something out there to fill the absence that was my blog… I would like to say I’m back.  I have a lot of healing to do and I’m happy to share every step of the way!!  Thanks for sharing in my journey!  You all make it worthwhile!!  Love and HUGSSSS DAMMIT



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