Different flavored relationships

I have teens… two of them…  Teens are a wild roller coaster ride that sometimes come without restraints.  There are times you are literally left flying by the seat of your pants…and at times, it’s heart attack inducing….

But at the same time, with the torture, comes the reflection… Lots and LOTS of reflection…

I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at my kids after something stupid happened and thought, “WHAT THE SAM….”… well, you know…  But then I took pause to think about my own life.

Parents aren’t perfect.  Not even by half.  I have told my kids MANY times, “I will screw you up, and you will let me know how, later!”

That’s a true story….

But recently, I have had both my girls go through relationship issues.  With boys.  I’m scrunching my nose as I write, because truth be told, if I could keep them from EVER falling “in love” with a boy (or girl, I don’t judge) until they were in their 20s… I’d jump on that shit.

Relationships are HARD!!  And at such a young age (anything before 30 in my opinion), they aren’t prepared to properly navigate relationships.  So they do REALLY STUPID STUFF… (I don’t think I need to go into detail here, because just think of anything stupid and go with that).

But recently, I was having a conversation with another mom about our kids and their relationships with their boyfriends.  It would seem that they all judge each others relationships for the “stupid” things they do.  And they judge rather harshly… (should I have put “SPOILER ALERT” before that?)

It got me thinking and it also got me concerned….

But then…. I REFLECTED….

Just a little history on me… I dated … a LOT….. and I started early.  My first date was in 3rd grade. (okay, it wasn’t a date, it was a movie…for his birthday…with a group of other kids..but still).

When I was in Jr. High I had a boyfriend.  I.WAS.IN.LOVE!!!!  (read that again and stop at every period).  He was the bees knees (yes I just dated myself) and we were together for about a year.  But not without complications.  We had a great time, but we were immature kids who thought we knew everything. #wewerewrong

It was a great first relationship..then a not so good one…and then it was okay…then it ended.  It caused me a lot of pain, but I had a lot of great memories in between.

And, I grew from the experience.

My next boyfriend was a dream.  And then we grew apart.  But we grew…

Fast forward 100 years, and here I’m married to someone I NEVER pictured myself with.  But somehow, it works.  And it’s awesome (with trials and tribulations of course…but we grow…)

When I met my husband, I had a very clear idea of what I wanted.   (Because I wrote it down on paper once).  This piece of paper was to be the end all be all of my future mate.  And he would be awesome…..

And then I met him.  Only, I didn’t realize it was “him”…until later.  He was, on paper, what I wanted.  But in reality, it was different than I had imagined.  There were things that weren’t 100% so I was confused.  But something inside me compelled me to say yes when he asked.  And I did.

And we married.  And we struggled… and we grew

Relationships…simply put… are HARD.  They are a coming together of two completely different raised human beings in an attempt to make a happy communion…

Sometimes it’s a failed attempt.  Sometimes it’s a successful attempt.  And sometimes it’s bliss…I guess you could say we are a mixture of the three???

I have been through years of therapy.  (if you read my blogs, you know this).

I tell you that to tell you this….

I have learned a LOT about relationships.  And being in a relationship for now 22 years, I have learned tons more.  And watching many close friends lose their relationships, I have learned even more.

And here is what I know:

Every relationship is different.  It’s kind of like ice cream.  There are a million flavors and not every flavor appeals to everyone.

Relationships are also like a fine wine… they develop with time.  The more you learn about each other, and the more you forgive, the richer the taste.

Not everyone will see and understand your relationship.  People cannot appreciate what you have been through together, because they don’t know the battles you have fought together, or how you prevail when you power through.

It’s really easy to judge someone else relationship based on looks.  But no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.  (and lets face it…would we really want to know ALL the gory details?)

We are all different for a reason.  This, I know!  Relationships are about finding what works FOR YOU!  If you are judging a couple because they always want to be together, that simply means, that is not your style of relationship.  There is really no reason to judge this union over yours.  It opens you up to being judged equally.

I was walking today (where I do my best thinking) and I realized how our family is kind of weird…and to some, maybe it’s sad… We aren’t always there for each other.  Strange to say, because I didn’t really realize it until recently) but we are a family of performers.  Both my girls dance.  Hubs is in a band, and I just recently started taking singing lessons (I cringe as I write).  I’m the newest performer in the family.  My girls have been dancing on stage for 12 and 14 years; hubs for over 30, and me…maybe 3…

We do our best to see each others shows, but truth be told, (and all honesty out there…) The girls are too young to see most of their dads shows.  I’m too busy being mom (or exhausted) to see him anymore, so he’s on his own.  Younger daughter doesn’t want to see older daughter dance, because older daughter has been given such accolades that younger daughter is over it… Hubs is usually busy, I am often shooting older daughters show, so I’m her audience in the family.  Younger daughter has switched from stage to football field in pep squad, and the time she performs (late afternoon) doesn’t work for anyone but me and I’m usually shooting on the football field (volunteering), so I don’t always get to watch her cheer….And me…well, I’m so green, I don’t want any witnesses so I go to my recital performances with my mom and my bestie (who’s also singing) and we call it a day.

So there you have it.  Some might call us pathetic.  But the way we look at it is more or less…”It is what it is”…

We definitely appreciate each other, but sometimes, things don’t work out like you’d think.

Such is life.

I could sit and wallow in it all, or look at it from another perspective and just be happy that we all accomplish and go on with our lives.

It’s so easy to judge one another, but the truth is; while you are looking over the fence, attending to someone else’s garden…who’s attending to YOURS???

Love what you have and what you have worked towards and let everyone else be.  We can only control our own lives and our own actions, so why not take your energy and turn it in to something great.

Nobody is perfect and we all struggle to do the best we can.  Let’s do our best to honor each others’ efforts and be there for each other.  Because in the end…no one is getting out alive… Bwahahahahaha…..