I’m sorry, WHAT?

There are times I look back on my life and remember my childhood.  Sometimes, now that I’m raising kids, I reflect back more often.  There are moments that throw me back more than others…

As part of many mom groups (whether Facebook or school related), I hear many stories.  One I saw was particularly heartbreaking, but as I have been there, on a smaller scale,  I could relate to this mother’s issue.

A mom posted that her daughter didn’t want her showing up to her sporting events stating, “it was awkward for the team that she was there”.    My brain literally twitched when I read this…..  “awkward for the TEAM”… hmmm… so the WHOLE team conferred with this girl and decided that the mother should be ousted from said sporting event…..?

My eye started twitching….

TEENAGERS…. There are SO MANY OF THEM!!!  And their worlds are SOOOO SMALLLLLLL!!!!

One of my good friends told me (and I may have said this before but it bears repeating) that the teenage years are the breaking of the maternal bond so your kids can grow away and you can (want to) let them go! (even if only a little bit).

As I talk to my girls and many mothers, I can totally see where this is true.

And…..I reflect back on my own youth…. and I’m curious why my mother didn’t throw me out on my EAR at that time…as I’m sure she wanted to, because I was THAT KID!

Thankfully she (and my dad) had FIVE children, and I was # 4.  So I was merely a drop in the bucket of the family and my misaligned actions were in a row of the many who trod before me….

That said, I still think I was the worst.  Thank God I was # 4. If I were # 1 I guarantee you #2 wouldn’t have come along…. #godhasaplan

But, I digress…  My heart hurt for this ousted mother.  When I read her story and her request for advice, I was very quick to respond!  I stated that my kids learned long ago that if they try to send me away, I will come back louder and more obnoxious than when they uttered their words!

They learned not to mess with me.  I am mother, hear me roar…..

As parents, we all have our struggles.  What works for one, doesn’t always work for others.  My advice is mine based on how I am and how I have parented.  But it’s also based on who my children are and what I have taught them to expect.

I am blessed to have always been present in their lives.  From day one, preschool, I was there at drop off and pickup.  Throughout their school years, I volunteered in the classroom and got to know, not only their teachers, but the children AND their parents.  My presence is known in our community and in hindsight, I’m so grateful I was able to be there.

Now, as my children are teenagers, they know that if they see me, I’m no stranger in the community.

But for this woman… I don’t know her circumstances and it makes me wonder what her presence is at home.  Why would her daughter be so free to tell her this???  No judgement, just curiosity.

When I was growing up my parents worked.  My dad was a patent attorney and my mom worked Real Estate and Banking.  They weren’t always around for school stuff.  AND…they had FIVE kids… good luck spreading yourself evenly in those circumstances.

That said, there were things we learned as children.  We learned RESPECT.  We learned that WE were a family unit.  We said “Please” and “Thank You”….

It just was….

Today’s parenting is a whole different ball game.  First of all, if you let your kid walk to school in elementary school, you are likely deemed negligent.  If you actually PARENT your child, you are looked at as HARSH.  But if your child acts out, then you are just a bad parent!

The judgement with parenting is OFF THE CHAIN!

Somehow, over the decades, parents have lost control and kids have run rampant a bit….

The tail is wagging the dog as Dr. Phil would say….

This woman, who was ousted from her daughters games…BY HER DAUGHTER… I’m literally shaking my head as I write.

I have a daughter in dance and a daughter in Song.  Those things don’t happen by accident.  They happen by hard work, dedication and fundraising.  LOTS.OF.FUNDRAISING….

I cannot FATHOM spending this much time and effort on my children sports…and having them “INFORM ME” that my presence makes them feel ….”AWKWARD”….

The fact that my children have a sport at all..is a privilege.  The fact that I’m in the stands cheering them on ….is a gift from GOD!

I know kids who have lost their parents.  My heart aches for them.  My children are aware of this, and I think for that reason, they are happy when we can attend.

Now, again, I’m not judging other parents, because their kids don’t want them present.  There are always different circumstances.  And as parents, we all do the best we can.  And teenagers are tough.  But when I went in to my daughters room tonight and told her I made her egg salad and its in the fridge … and her response was, “Okay, THANK YOU!”… It made my heart sing.

When I grew up as a child and our parents took us out for dinner… I remember us on the way home in the car saying “Thank you for dinner” to our parents…

It may not have happened every time… but I do remember thinking, what a nice gift….

I wish those days of appreciation would come back again…..