How long on this earth is long enough?  I don’t think there is a real answer?

Earlier this week I blogged about Lance, the 14 year old Weimaraner who has lived past what the doctors say.  Fourteen years with ANY animal (aside from reptile life) is amazing….  But with pets, there is more of an ‘expected’ time based on the breed.  Humans are a whole other scenario.

This week a dear friend lost his mother to cancer.  She was in her 80’s.

Some people say, “Hey…if you make it to your 80’s you lived a good life.”   Which may be true.  However, how do determine when is a good time to say good bye to your loved ones?

There is NEVER a good time!!

I remember when I was 10 years old.  My adopted grandfather suddenly passed away.  I wasn’t ‘done’ with him and I wasn’t ready for him to go.  I cried for him for 20 years.  My  heart still aches to see him again.

When I was 18, one of my school friends died in a car accident.  We weren’t as close as we were in younger years, but there is hardly a day that goes by that I wonder what her life would have been like.  Because of her, I count my every day as a special blessing.  My children know who she is, and I still keep in touch with her parents.

When I was in my earliy 30’s, I lost a coworker to cancer.  She was in her early 40’s.   It made NO sense to me whatsoever.  I still hear her laugh and remember her words of faith to me; “Even though I am angry that I have this “STUFF”, (meaning cancer), I trust in our Lord that he has plans for me“.   Her words taught me how important faith truly is.

I went through the loss of my husbands grandparents.  I knew them for a few short years before they passed; but their spirit still swirls in my mind.  I loved their quirks and still hear the way his grandma sniffled when she laughed.  She was a beautiful woman.

When I was 31 I lost my dad who was 63.  I was pregnant; my brother’s wife was pregnant; they were our first children.  We weren’t done with our dad.  But we had to say goodbye.

Just over a year ago, one of my best friends said good bye to her father who was in his 70’s.  I saw him in the hospital before he died.  I was with her at his funeral.  She was very close to him and if she had her choice, they would have all died together on the date of never.  It was a very emotional time.  He was like a father to me too.  Yet another sad loss.

Today, we say good bye to our friends mother.  I had the opportunity to photograph her in recent years when she was at a celebration.  Her son is in his late 40’s.  Do you think HE has had enough time with his mom?  I could safely venture to say no.

The truth is, there is never a good time.  Saying goodbye is hard.  Yet we don’t have a choice.  The question is; HOW do you cope???

Sometimes you can’t wrap your head around it.  When my friend died at 18, I was dumbfounded.  I went over her (car) accident in my head time and time again.  I had so many “What If’s” floating around, there was never time to settle.  When I reached out to her parents many years later, I could see that they had moved on way better than I had.  I’m sure they are not at peace with it.  But they had so much life (grandchildren) that filled them up; it helped them move forward.

You would think that letting go of an older person would be easy.  You could rationalize that it’s ‘their’ time.  But the truth is they have had ‘that’ much longer to create memories that are irreplaceable.  They are that much more ingrained in our lives.  You may as well remove a limb from your body if they leave us.

When my friends dad passed, she was in her late 40’s.  She had 18 years more with her dad than I had with mine.  I’m not saying her scenario was harder; because every loss is individual.  Loss is personal.  There is no way to quantify one’s loss.

We get what we get in this life.  Not one day more or one day less.  If you are reading this; you are here NOW.  This is a blessing.  Take time to appreciate your loved ones and communicate issues.  Don’t let issues hang over your head.  Get closure.  There is nothing worse than having someone pass when you are in the middle of a disagreement.

Today we will be there to support our friend in his time of loss.  There is nothing we can do to bring back his mother.  But to let him know we are there for him and his family is the best we can do.   You may not be able to change the circumstances….but sometimes to be there for support can soften the blow, if only by a little.

Hug the ones you love and let them know how special they are to you.