Travel vs. Reality

Well, I’m in Hawaii…. one of the few places left on my bucket list.  To be honest, I didn’t even have a bucket list a few years ago…and only created a “bucket list” when I saw a movie and sat back and wondered what I’d really want in my life….

The only thing I could come up with is to name places I wanted to visit.  And I hate to travel, so my list is quite short:

Paris
England
Ireland/Scotland
Hawaii
New York

Why so short?  Well, it’s simple… I don’t aspire to much.

My life is full of fear and I hate to fly.  So to make no plans is just fine by me.

Only….when I DO travel and I arrive at any destination, I’m always excited by the adventure.  It’s crazy!!!

Fear is an awful thing.  It rules my life.  I’m in awe of people who live life to the fullest.  I won’t even jump in line at the next cashier when they open up, because I don’t wanna get in the way of someone who’s thinking they get to go first.

My fears aren’t outward, they are mostly internal.  I have constant dialog going on in my head and 90 percent of it is talking me down from doing what I am thinking about doing (if I ever let myself get to the point of actually thinking of doing something).

To board the plane to Hawaii was terrifying.  My thoughts of flying over the ocean consumed me for weeks.  I’m not ready to die.  I’m not ready to let the plane explode on exit from LAX.  I wanted to at least land on Hawaiin ground to say I did it.

My mom told me a story about my grandmother and it sticks with me when I fly….

Apparently my grandmother wasn’t much of a flyer.. and when she decided to get on a plane, the second it touched down, she let out with a loud, “Thanks be to GOD”….  And you can bet your bippy that I follow in my grandmothers footsteps…  As soon as we touched down, I leaned over toward the girls and said, “Thanks be to GOD!” and then giggled in joy that we were here.

This place is interesting.  It’s a total departure from California life….yet totally the same….

We are on Maui, so I don’t have experience with other islands, but the first thing I noticed is…they have a Costco….  Nothing makes you feel more at home than running to your nearest Costco and stocking up on weekly items.

Second, I noticed as we drove to our hotel is Hawaii doesn’t really charge for every square foot like California.  There were cars pulled over almost up to the surf, in random pattern as if they just decided, “I’ll stop here”.  That, in and of itself is so refreshing.  No wonder people of Hawaii are so chill.  They don’t have to worry about quarters for the meter.  They just get to enjoy the day and what God has provided them…..

As we settled in to our hotel, I saw our view.  We are right by the beach and it’s beautiful.  If I chose to sit on the patio and not go out, I’d be content to just watch….

Now, my whole and complete goal on vacation is to decompress.  I’m going all the time and I just want time to sit, with no schedule, and just…..chillax… and regroup….

I don’t know about you, but my goodness, it’s so easy to get caught up in the Joneses anymore and forget who YOU are and what YOU want.  Or worse yet, forget any aspirations in your life at all.  Apathy is a soul killer… and I refuse to be that person.  But of late, I have been questioning myself a LOT while sitting in my fear controlled lifestyle…..

But the question is this: What am I afraid of?

I think we are all born different for a reason.  We all have our issues and we all need to “deal”.  The problem is, there isn’t really a guide book to tell any one specific person “how to deal”.  Because we each have so many factors in our lives that mar us individually, and create further issues so that no one answer fits all.

So….we are left to figure it out.  And the fact that we don’t have all the answers makes us feel failure enough.  And….that’s where it begins….  in a moment of failure.  How do you build yourself up from there?

What I have seen recently, more than I would like, is that we follow the masses.  We think someone else has the answer and so we proceed accordingly.

The problem with following the masses is the same issue of trying to find the “one size fits all” solution.  And there just isn’t one.  So what are you really following?

This week as I have vowed to come to center and start over, my thought was “As soon as I hit Hawaii, I’ll be great!”……. only it wasn’t true.  I hit Hawaii and it was pouring rain… Still, I jumped into a Jeep with my family (which is OH SO FUN) and we treaded to our destination.  That was our first struggle.  Thankfully, since I was driving, hubs navigated and we reached our destination.  But the truth is, Maui is small, and there are signs that point you there, so getting lost isn’t that easy.  But still, there is the moment of uncertainty that leaves you a bit lost.

The next issue was getting settled in the room.  Lo and behold, in my wildest dreams I never expected that we’d check in to a room that has NO AC….  It’s a RESORT?  What resort doesn’t have AC??  OOOOHHHH…well, they DOOO have AC, only we didn’t get signed up for THOSE rooms…. I never wanted to go home so fast!  We have no AC at home but it’s not as sticky and gross there.

But we stayed…..

We settled ourselves in front of the fans in disbelief and stripped down to bare minimum….

Then I kind of started wondering….

How spoiled are we that the second we are displeased, we want to cut and run?  What’s SO wrong with a little ‘discomfort’?

Now, I get that we are paying for this and we should get what we want, but the truth is, we didn’t set this up.  We are guests.  And our hosts had no idea and were less than pleased as well.

So, to that end, what are our options?

Complain that we aren’t getting what we “expected”?  Or roll with it and see how we do?

As I sat in our room, looking around and sweating, I realized that “If we are going to be in Hawaii…. BE In Hawaii!”  I’ve spent YEARS wondering what this place is about and now I have my answer!!!  It’s BEAUTIFUL!  It’s TROPICAL and it’s RAW…..

I had to take off my Glory Glasses and see what this place is not totally what I expected…. But that’s not a bad thing!  The fantasy had become a reality and I had to see it for what it was…..and accept it.  It’s a humbling experience to say the least.

To wish for perfection is to expect disappointment.  Expectation is the poison of reality.  I rarely have expectations for this reason.

As I have been here, I have shed my expectations and I have started embracing the reality of the island and constant humidity (though my hair is in complete denial).

Growing up in So.Cal with all its tourist attactions, I have a hard time getting caught up in the touristy things here.  I have likened Front Street Maui to Main street Laguna Beach (which is my favorite place in the world, by the way).  We’ve gotten a few jewelry mementos of the island for the girls and had some amazing food.

We have ‘bummed’ the streets of Maui and seen amazing sights and Aspen and I even jumped off a waterfall (me fully clothed thank you) because we were ‘in the moment’.

We dont’ get to be ‘in the moment’ very much anymore…not with teenagers and busy schedules.  So the respite from the crazy schedule is welcome.  And the quiet moments in the car (or those screaming songs out loud as we drive) are times to treasure….  We aren’t following the masses so much as picking and choosing what feels right for us…. even the hours we have spent in our room over looking the gorgeous ocean wearing little more than our skimpiest outfits…..

We’ve been offered the option to move rooms if we want so desire…. but we have embraced what we have.  And I’m proud of our family for sticking together and going with the flow.  Because to be comfortable is easy…. to deal with with you have been given and make the best of it is where the fun begins…… My hair feels otherwise, but it will recover….

Did I mention I jumped off a waterfall fully clothed…..?

Aloha…..