They have to hurt

I hate when my kids cry.  I hate when they hurt.  I feel like a failure when I can’t save them from their pain.

Tonight, my daughter came home crying that she didn’t achieve what she aimed for.  She fell shorter than she expected.  To see her pain ripped me to the core.  I wanted to scoop her up immediately and hug the pain away!

DAMN IT ALL!

I wish someone …SOMEONE…was able to clearly articulate the pain you go through as a parent.

But for some reason…it seems like the best all time kept secret.  Parenting in general sucks at times, yet we still run to the ideology that it will be better and easier for us!

HOGWASH!

We think we are unique.  We think “it won’t happen to us”…. I will be better…all those other parents are all just doing it wrong….

Here’s my answer to you “wannabe” parents……

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

the joke is on you!!!

Your kids WILL hurt.  They WILL be bullied.  They WILL be assholes.  They WILL be teenagers.  The WON’T be perfect…and they WILL hurt…..

And to that…I say YAY!   The more they hurt the better!

I’m not saying we should inflict pain on our children.  So if you are ready to put me to the lynch mob…back down a second.

Now it’s true, some hurt more than others.  And if I could regulate the pain, dammit, you know I would.  But the truth is simple… we HAVE to go through the valleys to appreciate the peaks!  If we grew up with nary an insult or hurt to our hearts… what kind of character would we bring to the table in the real world?

Pain is a part of life.  How we respond to pain is how we grow.  And when we grow, we get STRONGER! And when we get stronger we start to realize our worth and we become AMAZING (in theory of course, but you get what I’m saying ,right?)

If you listen to the stories of your parents, you know what I’m talking about.  Our parents had NO IDEA what social Media was.  Their social media was getting out of the house and kicking the can.  It was walking to school in the snow UPHILL BOTH WAYS BAREFOOT and probably NAKED!

When I grew up, we had DODGE BALL and GERMAN DODGE where you had to be fast enough to get the heck out of the way or you would get beamed with the ball while the teachers watched you get pegged and you would look at them and they would say, “You’re OUT!”

Can you IMAGINE German Dodge today??? OMG first of all…it wouldn’t be CALLED GERMAN Dodge, because the word GERMAN is in it.  And OMG that is SO RACIST!!!  Second of all, to have a teacher LET you get HIT BY A BALL??  Well hell, you’d better call your battery of attorneys now, because dammit THERE WILL BE A LAWSUIT!!!  (I’m seriously laughing so hard right now).

In today’s world…if your child is left mildly unhappy…. it’s a call to action.  I’m not saying for all parents.  But sadly, it’s almost protocol anymore.  I shudder to think of the life of a school principal.  My hat is off to you people….I would get fired after a day…..

But here’s the thing…. EVERY TIME WE SAVE OUR CHILD…. What are we saving them from?  And better yet… every time we parents step in… what are we teaching our children?

I shall take this moment and say I am BY NO MEANS a perfect parent.  F-Bombs have been flowing out of my mouth from day one… my house is a mess, my kids’ only consistent chore is to clean the dog poop on Saturdays so I don’t have to be embarrassed that the gardener pulls out the pooper scooper for us, and even at that, my kids argue with who’s week it is….

TOTALLY.NOT.PERFECT.

But here is my standard.  I get to know the “teachers” in my kids’ lives.  If I deem them as a person of character with good standings… I stand behind their decisions.

I have given my kids the lowdown…If you are in the care of ANYONE who calls you FAT, STUPID, UGLY or anything of the like…I will have words with them.  But IF they are challenging you on your behavior, your level of respect, your ability to to better, your listening skills, etc… then what they say stands.

I am sad that my child came home crying. Broke my heart.   But the truth is, what I heard in my child through her tears was her game plan to get better and show said teacher that she is WORTH IT!

And that made my heart smile.

I cannot, nor do I ever want to fix everything for my kids.  I’m here to prepare them for life.  I doubt they will be perfect citizens, but from what I can gauge so far, I’m happy with what I see.

I remember when both my daughters started dance class.  They were each 3 years old.  At one time, each child said they wanted to quit dance (at 3 yrs old, bless their hearts).  I said, “Okay. But you HAVE to dress for dance, and YOU have to tell your teacher that you don’t want to go to dance”.  Each child said, “okay”.  Each child met with their teacher.  Each teacher (2 years apart) squatted down to my girls’ levels and talked to them about why they wanted to quit.  And within 3 minutes….each girl (two years apart) grabbed their teachers hand and walked into dance class….happily.

Thirteen (and Eleven) years later, I have two dancers who know the meaning of team work, responsibility, organization (not in their room, but for dance),  disappointment, respect, aspiration, devastation, elation, and of course indifference, because they are teens…as well as knowing about personality differences, strengths, weaknesses and how to suck it up when you lose.

Are they perfect?  NO.  But they know they won’t always get their way and that I’m not going to make the call to someone because they are unhappy, unless there is a solid reason for intervention (which more often than not, is not necessary).

Today was a great day for me to witness.  My daughter cried in disappointment….my daughter is working on her plan. I tried to hug her and she wouldn’t let me.  I’m okay with that!

Hurting isn’t always bad….. Let your children work through the pain and give them the gift of letting them grow.

Peace out.