The Wink

Did you ever stop and think about how powerful non verbal commumication is?  It’s absolutely huge and can literally change a situation without a word….

As a photographer, I’m paid to take pictures.  But in all honesty it’s more than that.  It’s about capturing moments…..

Did you know that the two favorite parts on any persons body to me are the eyes and the hands?  Do you know why?  Because they speak VOLUMES!!!

It’s taken me years to learn my craft.

I realize now that much of it was inherent.  I’ve always loved to people watch.  Most of my best life friends are gathered because I watched them and I realized they had so many characteristics and qualities that were lifelong worthy….

People are more telling than they let on.  I can catch a moment of disdain from someone in the quickest glance.  I can see a lifetime of appreciation in a momentary smile.  I can feel the love of someone in an unscripted squeeze of the hand….

It’s worth its weight in gold if you can sit back and watch life happen.

I don’t want to let you in on all my secrets, but I can’t help the fact that I’d rather sit in the back of a room and watch people than to be forced to strike conversation.  I can certainly do both, but I just find people so fascinating that I’d rather watch the relationships unfold before me and see the dynamics happen.

When I was a little girl, I was the 4th out of 5 kids.  When you are 4th out of 5 kids, you are lucky if your parents remember your name.  Most times they don’t even bother because they go in order of rank, and your “elder” will likely be the one to hand down the orders…..

That said, I was also a feisty child.  For those of you that know me, please hold back your surprise with all my perfection…..

I don’t know if you know this, but feisty children demand to be seen… and beaten as it were… (pipe down…it was the 70s for God’s sake…)

Okay, my parents weren’t abusive (all the time..okay…well…ummm…. HI MOM….. they were great)……

Honestly, my parents were great!  But I was a tough kid and acted out a bit! (again…please hide your surprise…)  But one thing my dad found in me was he kind of liked my spunk.  (that is, when he wasn’t hating it and questioning why I was so “OUT THERE”).

I wore my heart on my sleeve and to some, in the 70’s and 80’s, that might have looked out of place.  Suffice it to say, my parents had their hands full with me.  But I must say, I can see that my dad had an appreciation for how I didn’t hold back.  Because he was the same way.  And you never had to wonder what he was thinking.. SURPRISE… much like myself.

The Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

As a result, he was hard on me, but he was soft on me.  I was a girl and he adored his daughters.

As I grew older, I could see that he took a step back from me and started analyzing, instead of judging me.  He was genuinely curious what made me tick.  (Ignore that fact that he was an engineer).

He used to have aspirations for me to go far.  And one day, I think he told my sister or mom something about “maybe she would be good in cosmetology school”.

And I heard that and my heart sank.  I felt like he had given up on me.  But honestly, in thinking back I think I made him start seeing things differently.  He stepped outside his “College is the only way for life” ideals, and realized that not everyone can live in a box.  Over the years, I noticed he started to soften.  Until one day he actually apologized to me.  He told me that he tried to force his ideals of college being the only way, and when he saw that I was fine making my own choices, he acknowledged that he didn’t mean to make me feel less. (but he still wanted me to go to college for “security” I’m sure!)

And though I deviated from the original topic of non verbal communication, I really didn’t.  I saw over the years that his stringent ways softened.  Even though he spoke no words in particular.

And I knew they day I got married, when I looked back at him and he winked at me… I knew he had faith in me.  And he knew that no matter what I chose, I would be okay. Because he saw my determination over the years to show him that I could do it!

My greatest hope was to get that wink from my dad.  He didn’t have to say a word.  His nonverbal communication said it all……And it meant the world to me!

You don’t always have to speak to be heard.  Sometimes your “words” are in your gestures, your mannerisms, your gaze…. sometimes it’s in your silence.  The bottom line is communication doesn’t always include words.  Be mindful of what you say, what you mean and how you communicate.  Because every gesture you make, whether intentional or unintentional can make a difference in someones life.  Have you ever seen disappointment on someone’s face… how did that feel???

Small gestures can be huge.  Be mindful, be purposeful.  Make a postitive difference in this world…like my dad!

Dad, you have been gone 16 years this week.  I will never forgot what you taught me and how you were there for me.  You didn’t have to say a word, because I knew what you were thinking!  I love you so much and miss you tons.  Thank you for being the genuine and awesome man you were, who never held back, who provided for us and always had our backs.  Thank you for all you did, all you were and all you are!!!

Our lives are marked by what we left behind and the impact we made on those around us. You have made your mark and I will forever be grateful to you!  Love you dad!