The Struggle between parenting and spreading wings…

Teenagers…  if you have one, the word in and of itself should send shivers down your spine.

Gone, are the days of the clingy children with open minds that allow the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and Santa Clause in their worlds…

Instead, their souls are replaced with angry, frustrated and dejected creatures who can roll their eyes at the speed of light while they tell you how your IQ has diminished…..

And for whatever reason, you roll with it, because you know that there is a cute little 5 year old in there who wants to go to Build A Bear, buy an Olaf and fill it up because it wants warm hugs…..

If it weren’t for the formative years, we’d likely eat our teenagers like some animals eat their young.  But such is the course of life.  Kids grow, they become independent and move on.

I just wish I knew why it felt like it happened ‘all of a sudden’.

I remember when I was pregnant a mom told me that each stage of pregnancy prepares you for the next.  I dare say that is true.  If you think about it, when you are 9 months pregnant, you are exhausted, uncomfortable, barely sleep and still get on with life.  Then…when they baby is born, guess what?  You are sitting in chairs, rocking the baby, uncomfortable, lacking in sleep …and it’s hardly different from the last days before birth.

And with childhood, I found the same pattern to occur.  The baby is born and it sleeps all the time.  Over the course of the months, the patterns change.  At first you can’t wait until the baby is moving, and then by six months, the baby is so fussy, you wonder where all the sleep time went….  That said, each phase is a progression of the last.

And as parents, you celebrate every single phase.  I mean, my God… LOOK at this incredible creature who’s abilities grow by the SECOND!!!

…………………………………………….

Fast forward a dozen or so years……………… and many hormones later……………….

I’m pretty sure if storks went around and dropped off teenagers, there would soon be an island created by adults that would let the teenagers weed out the weak.

However…..as I have two teenagers of my own, and I have had the blessing to grow with them; I’m pretty happy to see how they are turning out.  But even still, I find myself exhausted from the constant push and pull of them trying to spread their wings.

And I struggle with this…..

NOT BECAUSE I want to hold on.  But because I want to be able to let go and let them grow in independence.

The problem is that I still have to remember there is a very delicate balance between letting them grow…and still parenting them.

Teenagers have NO CONCEPT of big picture consequence.  They are THE most SELFISH and SELF ABSORBED years of their lives.  They are INDESTRUCTIBLE!  Do you remember feeling that way?  I know I do!  I had friends die in car accidents and I STILL thought, “That couldn’t happen to ME!”

And now, I spend every day praying as I drive that I make it to my destination (even if it’s the grocery store just 1.5 miles away!  (didyouknowmostaccidentshappenwithin2milesofhome)

Armed with that awareness, I struggle with how much independence my children have.

We are parents (well, I’m assuming those reading are parents, but if you aren’t…heed my words).  Our job ALWAYS… is to PARENT our children.  To give them strength and knowledge and initiative in their formative years…. and HOPE and PRAY that it turns into WISDOM in their later years.

Sadly, most teenagers will live under the “Trial by Fire” guidelines of life and leave the parent to pick up the pieces.

A friend once told me that the teenage years are the breaking of the maternal bond…..

I dare say it’s true.  But it doesn’t stop me from doing my best to parent my children and pull the mom card when I see fit.

There are times I have to give my kids the “Big Picture” verdict and lay the heavy hand.  That’s my job.

The more we let go, the more we need prayer.  I have never prayed so much as when we handed the keys over to my 16 yr old daughter.  Lump in my throat and heart in my stomach…. Let the wings spread….

Tonight was just such a night for parenting.  I wanted to so badly say, “Ya…go ahead”…. but my gut intervened and I had to give the big picture answer.

I won’t be popular when she comes home.  But when she comes home, my heart will sing with joy that my baby is safe.

We get what we get in life.  I have been blessed so far to have 14 and 16 years with my kids.

TOUGH?  You BET!

Rewarding?  …. at times….

THANKFUL?

….. ALWAYS!!!!

You are the parent.  You know the risks, you know your children…let them grow as much as you possibly can.  But remember that there are times when you can see the big picture consequences and it’s okay to pull the parent card.  After all, if you don’t play the deck every so often, are you really in the game?