Short end of the stick

I’m going off today, because I just feel like it. I’m not going to sensor myself, like I normally do (believe it or not) because I’m having a day where I just feel like “EFF IT!” I’m a mom of two and a half (rent a son from Norway mostly takes care of himself) a wife of one and a dog mama of three. And I can honestly say that NO ONE IS HAPPY IN THIS HOUSE!!!

Not all at the same time anyway.

I was just talking to another mom who feels my frustration, and I have seen posts on facebook that I am SO NOT ALONE!!! My life is in demand at all times! I can’t even take a walk by myself, because there is a four legged friend (or three 4-legged friends) that will give me stink eye which communicates to, “You SUCK. Why did you even get me if you can’t take me for a walk?”

Once you have kids man, your life is not your own ever again! And for that matter, it really starts when you get married. So all you young people who are romanticising marriage, if you actually follow through then get in, sit down, hold on and shut up, because you are in for serious life changes.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change anything for the world. I love my husband, adore my girls, and wouldn’t smile as much without my little canine friends. But there are times that you just feel used and unappreciated and worn out with nothing left to give anyone! And all efforts to balance your life come to a screeching halt when your daughter who had a ride, now doesn’t have a ride and you have to stop what you are doing to pick them up! Sound familiar to anyone?

Maybe things are just out of whack for me now, but as I listen to my psycho 13 year old scary black rescue dog with MAJOR anxiety issues, snoring behind me, I can’t help but feel I’m falling short on all corners of my life. A recent conversation with a friend made me realize how we are all the same. We try to structure things around our families, rarely giving time to ourselves and as a result, we are left feeling empty!

I think as moms, we have to realize that we need to take care of ourselves first before we take care of anyone else. I know for me that means caring more about my health and adding exercise so I can have the energy to keep going. Years ago, I was fit as a fiddle and my anxiety was at an all time low. Over the years, things switched and I started taking care of others more and me less. And now I sit here in a ball of shame with everyone needing from me and I have nothing left to give. I know I have blogged similarly before, but I think I have hit the bottom and realized something needs to change. I sit in resentment that people need from me, only they aren’t needing any more than they needed before. I just have less to offer and my anger level is growing and my desire to help is waning. Ever feel that way?

I’m defintely having an off day with the hubs. Have barely exchanged two words without an argument erupting. So, I’m currently in hiding in my office and looking forward to my photo session with a beautiful dancer in about an hour. Creating fills my soul and gives me gratitude. For today, that’s a start in the right direction. As for the family today, I’ll have to chalk it up to misaligned planets. But I can’t avoid the elephant in the room which is I need to care for myself more so that I have more to offer those around me! I feel like I’m aging 10 years for every week of my life and it has to stop.

I’m thankful for the moms who know where I’m coming from. There is nothing worse than feeling alone in your sorrow. To that end, I salute you moms who have given your everything and gotten nothing back but grief from your families because you missed one minor detail in something you were doing. And you got yelled at for turning left instead of turning right. And that you put beans in the burritos because “WE HATE BEANS”…..

Hang in there moms and just keep doing what you are doing. As long as you are doing it with love in your heart, you are moving in the right direction. But always remember… if the plane loses pressure, and the oxygen masks come down, put YOUR MASK ON FIRST before you help your children. Because if you lose consciousness putting theirs on first…you are no good to anyone! Put yourself first!

Love and Prayers to all my mom friends! May the force be with you!