Shedding the shit of the ages

I’m sitting here on this Sunday night, flying high from a MOST amazing weekend.  It’s been a long time coming, and to be honest…I never thought I’d see the day….

……Our 30 year high school reunion….

THIRTY YEARS….  How did we get here so fast?

I won’t lie…I get nervous every reunion.  I have been graced with partaking in the preparation for most of them, but the actual event is always a “hold my breath, close my eyes and jump in” sort of feeling.

I mean…let’s face it… High School is TOUGH!  It’s not for the faint of heart.  There are so many cliques and different personalities that it’s a wonder any one would want to come back together after graduation day…. yet we do.

I was talking to my friend tonight about the reunion, and she asked me why it’s such a big deal?  She went to maybe one of hers and it was for her band group (aka the safe way to have a reunion) and she didn’t see the big deal.

I kind of reflected on the many reunions we have had, and there has been a different flavor for every one!

The first reunion (for us it was a whopping 5 years), we were still very much kids.  There were still clicky mindsets; some of us couldn’t wait to see our friends and some of us couldn’t wait to see how some people changed…and there were some people who couldn’t wait to SHOW everyone how they had changed.  It was kind of a ‘sit behind the glass and watch each other’ moment…

The 10 year was a little more serious – a little more formal.  At this time, families were starting to form and babies were starting to be created.  It was a little more casual and fun, but still not 100 % easy, with people sticking to their comfort zones.

I can’t remember if we had a 15, because my brain escapes me….but the 20 year was yet another more formal affair.  More people came together to help, people were a bit more excited and as we gathered together, more pretenses were gone and more conversations happened.

The 25 was an informal gathering and was casual attire and therefore an easy gathering, albeit, small….  Families were getting older and perspective setting into place…

This weekend, being the 30th, there was a bit of trepidation from some people wanting to go.  I totally get that.  I am an extrovert/introvert… I like the idea of the party, but I also like to hide…  But something in my heart was wanting to pull people together.  And as I’m part of the planning committee (albeit a small part), I really wanted people to come… especially those who haven’t been around for a few decades.

It’s interesting the inner turmoil that goes on at times like these.

We go through our day to day life and we are “fine”.  Everything is status quo and there are no issues…..

But when an event happens…especially one of this magnitude…. there’s a bit of a halt that happens.

And for a moment, your pulled from the “I’m Fine” life… to the “what the hell have I been doing all this time” moment…

Now, I’m just talking about myself, but truth be told, I was NOT the only one feeling this way, and it was really quite comforting to talk to people in the same boat.

Because what happens when you get to a reunion is you throw yourself to the lions and in an instant they will become aware of who you are and the choices you have made in your life…. and as you stare at the lions, you aren’t sure whether they will eat you up, or pass you by…..and in that moment, you hold your breath and assess your life wondering if you made the right decisions.  And if you didn’t make the best choices, then you question yourself incessantly and wonder why…..

It’s an awful place to be….

All that said…..as I went into this weekend, I gained strength from my small posse of life-long friends and jumped (or was pulled) in head first….

….and something interesting happened on the first night….

I didn’t care…

I walked in to the pre-game gathering, the night before the reunion and I scanned the room for people I recognized.  One became two and two became four and four became ten and before the night was over…we weren’t strangers.  Stories started flowing (along with vast amounts of alcohol) and with each story the angst dissipated and the comfort level grew…and the laughter followed….

I almost didn’t go the first night.  I’m so glad I did!

As I came into the night of the reunion, I did stress briefly on what I would wear (especially because nothing fits me right now).  But I settled on comfort over fashion and headed out.

In the first moments at the reunion, I regretted my clothing decision and went up to my hotel room with a brief moment of self loathing, but quickly gathered a friend who talked me down… She dragged me to a room of old classmates who looked beyond amazing (and made me feel like I really should have tried harder in my life) and as I walked in holding my breath….I was greeted with kindness and enthusiasm…quickly followed by a shot of awesome tequila.

From that moment on, I knew it would be an awesome night because I shed the shit of the past and enjoyed the moments with these people who were part of my childhood.

As we went down for the event, I had my camera in hand and was determined to document the night as best I could.

When I am a photographer, I have the gift of watching and waiting for moments to happen; there is no fear…just observation.  What I saw in that night….filled my heart and my soul.

Hundreds of people gathered in honor of their school and their alumni…to greet….to talk…to reminisce…to cherish… to truly enjoy each other.

For the first time in 30 years, there were no walls.  There was a room dedicated to memorabilia…the old newspapers from the school, the old uniforms, pictures, grad night video…old movie posters from the 80’s… yearbooks…  What a great jump back in time.

And for our schoolmates who have passed… one as recently as this year…there was a memoriam…we have always honored our classmates; past or present…this warms my heart…. So many took a moment to look at the pictures, remember the moments and honor their memories.

It’s amazing what happens as time passes.  With each year, we shed the shit of the past and realize the value in the moments we have together.

I was humbled by the surprise guests who showed up.  One of which decided just days before he got here…and another was coaxed just hours before the event started…. Those were just a few of many.

But what I know for sure… is the reluctant were so glad they made the choice to come.  They were welcomed with enthusiasm  and there wasn’t a quiet moment in the night…or the weekend for that matter.

The party started Friday night and there were events that followed all the way through Sunday afternoon.  I went to the majority of the events and with each one, I left with a huge smile.

I can honestly say, the general consensus from the weekend was one of joy and appreciation.

As I write, my heart is still so full.  I feel, right now like my list of friends has grown, as we are more resolute than ever to stay in touch.

I hate that it took us 30 years to get here.  But I can honestly say, that for better or worse, as we come together every 5 or 10 years… or even at a memorial to honor our fallen C.H.U.D.s…. we are going through life together… and I couldn’t be more proud of our class for growing closer together through the years, and keep the efforts alive in maintaining these lifelong friendships.

Thank you to our fabulous committee, mainly Mark the KULIst guy….and Gina “The Machine” Gunn (yes, pun intended) for being a huge Cog in the wheels and Tonia, aka “The SPIRIT” for your constant cheering on …. and all the other amazing committee members for keeping us all together! You guys are my family and I SO appreciate you!

I will see you sooner rather than later….

C.H.U.D.s forever!!