This post was first written for a Mom’s group. It got a way bigger response than I was expecting, so I’m posting it here in its original form…
Hey Moms…I have been wanting to write for a while, because I see things on here and I feel you… I hear you… I have been there. Momming is tough…exhausting, and sometimes feels downright lonely. I’ve been there.
I am grateful to say I have been married for 22 years (together for 26). And though that sounds like a celebration…it’s not always been great.
The reason I wanted to write this is because I’m not sure how many realize that we have have seasons in life. Some are harder than others. There were times I felt like a single mom of two kids, trying to navigate crazy schedules and volunteering and the such, while darling husband “got to” travel for work.
There were times I wanted to leave the relationship because I was so tired and felt so alone. The house was a mess, I couldn’t keep up and I felt a failure because I was a stay at home mom and “I had one job”….
But here’s the thing… I didn’t realize that while I tried to keep things great with my kids, my husband was working hard and stressing to make sure we paid the mortgage, electricity, cable, wifi and on and on and on… I looked at him as someone who “Got” to go away from the house. But he was looking at it as, “I HAVE to work hard to support my family”.
There were hard feelings on both sides. He thought I had it easy because I was home, and didn’t realize I was on the clock 24/7…and I didn’t realize that while he was away, he was working hard to figure out the next deal so he could make enough commission to support his family.
We were both so tired. There were times we became disconnected…resentful…angry…disdainful…
As the kids grew, and their schedules became all consuming, roles shifted a bit… he had a bit more free time and I started to work a part time job. This was great for a bit, until the people that knew me so well never saw me, and new people started to meet hubs and my role in my girls lives were a bit less. I remember a day that I went to the dance studio where my girls literally grew up and a mom said to me, “Oh..your X’s Mom” or, “Oh, you’re X’s wife”… I felt blind sided… I had always been there for the girls and suddenly, I wasn’t. So I quit that job, and decided to work more on my photography business so I could work around the girls schedule. The girls were around middle school this time and hubs and I seemed to find a great balance of coming together and actually seeing each other again. (Mind you we were never in a bad enough place, but tensions did run high at times).
Raising kids is a never ending journey of ebbs and flows. It’s a constant balancing act between mom and dad. But here is the thing…you have to be committed. You have to know there is suckage on both ends. You have to know that communication is paramount to rectifying any situation. You have to realize that being on the same page takes time and effort.
Our girls are now both graduated. They are still dependent on us as they are college students, but it’s been a ride to get here.
I felt compelled to write this because I know that Momming is HARD…Dadding is HARD… and communication is EVERYTHING!!!
If you made it this far…good on you. I’m not the end all be all, but I have been through a few things and I have no problem sharing my woes. My husband knows who he married and he’s been amazing through it all.
My goal here is to make sure no one ever feels alone in their struggle to parent. It’s a lonely ride sometimes, but we are all doing the best we can. And at the end of the day…what is most important is for our kids to know they are loved, and for them to (eventually) know that we did the best we could with the resources we had at the time we raised them!!
If you go to bed at night wondering if you could have done better…YOU ARE AMAZING!!! And the fact that you think about it, means you are doing a great job!!
Keep on keeping on Mama’s!!!