Here it is… that moment of self reflection on the last day of the year.
As everyone is looking forward to the New Year, I believe it’s the same every year that we hope the crap of the year will be left behind and the new will rise like a phoenix, out of the ashes and be brilliant and wonderful.
We Hope… EVERY. DAMN. YEAR….
I gave up on Resolutions long ago, as they are just a temporary contract, made in the moment, usually under duress, that always falls short… (and then comes the self loathing.)
The last two years have been a bullet between the eyes of how life unexpected happens. It’s not just the Covid “thing”, it’s the fallout from the whole pandemic. People have changed… And not all for the better. I turned off the news long ago, I can’t live in that constant state of fear. What I have witnessed has been more or less at the local level and it’s been really depressing. Depression and anxiety at an all time high; Suicide #’s up … Overdoses … It’s been very hard to maintain any ounce of joy while hearing of these stories. Families have broken apart and friendships demolished, it will literally never be the same.
I see memories pop up with the time stamp of 2019 and i say to myself, “the last good year” … or “before the world changed”… It’s really heartbreaking when you think about it.
In 2020 I was slipping into a depression that carried into 2021. It was pretty mild, but if left unchecked could have gotten way worse. With everything changing in the world, it was hard to find reasons to do anything (aside from my job which literally saved my life). I did find myself saying at times that I do understand how one could take their own life. I shutter as I write this, because it’s a dark admission of how I felt at times. And though I was never at risk for unaliving myself, the fact that I got it, even for a second was chilling to the bone.
Thankfully for myself, I’m in constant check of my emotions. I have somewhat of a vision of who I want to be and I check myself against “that” person to see where I can grow and improve.
In my life, I have been very fortunate to find amazing role models and the characteristics they brought to the table are very much who I want to be as much as possible. I have yet to be there fully, but I’m so much closer than I was a few years ago, and I’m thankful for that.
It takes a lifetime to get to know yourself and your potential (God, I hate that word, but there it is). Many of us sell ourselves short and don’t give ourselves the courtesy that we give others in our belief system. We boost each other up, but forget to do that for ourselves.
Today I saw a video and the message was, “Where would you be by summer if you DON’T QUIT!?” That message hit me between the eyes, because there are many things in my life that would be SOOO much better if I kept the focus on my goals. Not just weight, but my business, mental enrichment, etc…
If these last two years have taught me anything, it’s that to seize the moment in life and create your own happiness. Easier said than done, I know … but Happiness doesn’t have to be this big global thing… What I have found this year more than any other is that happiness can be found IN THE MOMENTS!!!
Today is a good example… I took a quick walk with hubs this morning and was approached by an older gentleman who was asking about his Achilles… I wasn’t sure what he was asking at first, but as Chris had an issue with his achilles, I directed the man to ask Chris. It was such a sweet interaction as this man had to be in his late 70s/early 80s and he was asking random strangers for advice. He then disclosed to us that he saw me and thought I looked kind so he figured he would ask. Chris was quick to let the man know I was in fact NOT kind…but I know the man didn’t believe him! LOL. That small interaction brought me such joy. We had the nicest conversation in a random interaction that literally made my day!
PEOPLE…WE NEED MORE OF THAT SHIT!!!
The second thing that helped me so much this year was GRATITUDE!!! I stopped taking every little thing for granted and started realizing that I have been SOOOO blessed with so much in my life! As my eyes have opened to the many who have suffered with disease (of ALL kinds), lost children, lost parents, even lost themselves…I learned to realize I have been given so much in my life to be thankful for.
I walk down at San Clemente many times a week and have come to recognize many of the same people, some of whom are homeless. I have struck up conversations at times, but realized on the coldest of nights that I have a roof and a warm bed, and not everyone does. I have my health, my kids, my husband, my Mom, besties, my community and on and on…
Any little things I can be thankful for, I make a mental note in my head – and here’s the kicker…it’s literally changed the way I see things! I feel more lifted in my life; more blessed.
The third thing I did, which was exactly what I needed…was I bought Cammy…my Jeep. I NEEDED her in my life. In my old car, I shrunk down and hid behind the Bose sound system and shut out the world. In Cammy, the tops are off and I’m literally looking for ANYONE to wave at (pathetic maybe, but I call is Joie de Vivre). It’s all about filling your own cup people!!!
SOOO … AS we go into 2022, I will not make any resolutions. I will continue on my own path of connecting with as many people as I can and creating new and amazing moments that make me smile! Will I hit it out of the park?? Probably not…. everyone has up and down days/weeks. But I have my eye on the ball and that is what counts!
My wish for you in 2022…turn off the noise in your life and jump back into the joy that YOU can create for yourself (and your family if you have one). There is something for everyone out there…find yours and get living!!!