I’m sitting in my backyard mulling over my life.  I haven’t written in a while, and though I find freedom from not forcing myself to write every day, I’m realizing that my ability to recognize things has slowed.

I’m thinking about parenting and the importance the role has and how much pressure we have on ourselves to make the right decision for our children.  It was so much easier when they were three and wanted everything from every commercial on TV.  It was either a “Yes” or “No”.  No real consequences other than the occasional tantrum, which usually subsided by the next commercial.

But as kids get older, it’s a little harder to distinguish the consequences of the “Yes” and “No”.

As kids get older; their ability to manipulate your decision gets more refined.  Your ability as a parent to divert your child’s attention  away from what they want gets a little harder.  Not to mention the tantrums get BIGGER!!!  And your ability as a parent to  handle the energy from the tantrums gets….. smaller……

So we tend to give in!

I can honestly say I see the bigger picture of this than my husband.  He can’t stand the tantrum and would rather “End it all quickly” by saying yes!!!

But therein lies the problem!  The kids know it!  And they go to him first!

It’s not an uncommon tale.  I’m NOT throwing my husband under the bus, because this isn’t about him.  It’s about making the right decision for our children.

I don’t WANT my children to have everything they want and desire.  And IF I am doing my job correctly, they will hate me most of the time.  And I’m totally fine with that!

I see kids getting everything they want when they want it and they are still empty inside.  Because what they really want isn’t what they THINK they want, they just want SOMETHING to fill the void in their lives and put it to an object and elevate its importance!

The importance is NEVER in the object, I assure you.

I just had my sister out here with her FIVE children and it was a LOT of people in a small house.  And my friends are shocked when I tell them I LOVED IT!!!  This lady has FIVE QUALITY CHILDREN!!!!

These kids know the value of a dollar and this was witnessed to me when I sat at Claim Jumper with my two and four of them and my niece explained just why we were going to share a few meals and not “throw away” money on a lot of wasted food.  She was very clear in the “Why” and the kids said, “Okay”.  And I had NOTHING to do with it, because I was expecting them all to gorge “Claim Jumper Style” and off we would go!  But she was very persuasive and concise  in her reasoning and everyone was just fine with it.  I was so impressed it took 20 minutes to close my jaw!

Kids are all about the “ME” because that is all they know!  It is OUR job as parents to teach them how their “Me” impacts others.

This year was a big growing year for my kids.  We had dance and a lot of it!  I worked my tail off so they could be on the teams they wanted.  And along with the teams meant the practices, the shoes (at least two pairs a year EACH PER DANCE – not to mention pointe, which is about 4-5 pairs a year at $85 a pop), the costumes, the hair accessories, the practices and the driving to and from the studio 5-6 times a week, twice a day.  You can easily do the math and see how quickly that all adds up!

So when my child first said to me, “YOU” forgot “X”…… I stopped them right there and said, “I’m not in dance.  This is not MY responsibility!  Daddy and I are making this happen for you, but it is YOUR responsibility to keep your stuff together or let me know when you need something for your classes.  I have my own life to keep after and if you can’t keep up on your end of the deal, then you don’t need to be in dance!”

And that was the last I heard of that!

When parents come up to me at competitions and say, “I forgot my childs…..”X”, I have been known to tell them that their children didn’t train them well enough!

I am NOT a coddler.  Ask my children.  I’ve been called “scary” and I’m okay with that.  I’m not unreasonable.  I just know that if I was left to take care of their costumes, stuff would be everywhere and they would never see it after their first dance.  (Oh….and I’ll have you know I spent an entire NIGHT one year organizing all their costumes, putting them in ziplocs and labeling everything only to have all the baggies discarded after the first show….. that was it for me!)

Kids need responsibility and they need guidance.  It is up to US as parents to know when to say “WHEN!”  But many parents don’t want to put up the fight because they are so tired.  And I totally get that.

I am by NO means perfect in the parenting department; my organizational skills are FAR lacking, but I do know that my kids are doing pretty well.  And they aren’t always happy with me.  And I do make them cry sometimes.

But they know where they stand and they know that if they ask daddy first (because they know I’ll say NO), that I will win in the end.

I don’t have to be their best friend.  I just have to be their mom!

And by the grace of God, they will understand one day just why I said no to the many things they wanted and didn’t get!  God knows that I totally get my mom right now!

Be a good parent.  Your kids already HAVE friends!

Peace out!