Over analyzing and Love

I find it interesting that whomever reads my blog tends to internalize what they read and wonder if I’m writing about them!  And the answer is…if you are thinking it…then YES, I AM!

But maybe not…..

See, I’m in my head all the time.  I can’t look at a noodle of dry spaghetti without wondering how it was made and how did they come up with the different types of pasta and who thought of the names and what do they REALLY mean and am I supposed to pull the noodles out of the water when they are DONE?  Or JUST BEFORE they are done so this thing called “carry over cooking” will finish them off?  Or is it just better to serve them “Al Dente” and OMG, who ever thought noodles with a tiny bit of stiffness would be a good thing…..and then add tomato sauce???

Holy COW my brain is tired!!

I don’t know why I am this way, but I recently wrote a blog and my sis n law heard about my anxiety and asked if I was okay?

I wasn’t totally sure why she was asking, but then as I reflected on what I wrote and what she’d read, it probably sounded alarming to her all the thoughts that go through my head…. bless her heart!  I’m grateful to have a sis in law that was genuinely concerned!  Makes me smile!!!

But the truth is, it’s absolute warfare over here all the time in my head.  And it’s possible that the only thing that differentiates me from others is I’m totally aware of it!

Many of us tend to “Hush” the noises and ignore them.  But as I struggled to be Medication Free from anxiety, I had to do a LOT of homework!!

And to qualify…there is NOTHING wrong with taking medication.  In our culture it can be a necessary evil.  But for me, I really didn’t want any part of it, because while it was curing one thing, it caused another…..  Gotta love side effects!!!

Hubs and I love watching med commercials to see what ALL the disclaimers are.  Cancer is a very real byproduct of many medications.

But be that as it may, I could go on about our medicated society…God knows I feel better when I’m taking it all, but there is something inside me that fights it and so I worked really hard to get off all meds and proceed with caution.

That said, when my life gets out of control…on occasion, I will seek professional help.  I’m not stupid.  But my resolve is always the same.

And as a result, the byproduct of my not wanting to take meds is to realize my emotions and talk myself down ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME!!!

The UPSIDE of all this is…..wait for it…..

I.AM.AWARE…….

Something strange happened of the years of my stubbornness…. I started seeing things less emotionally and more structurally….  And I mean this in situational instances….

For example… Communication…. Let’s talk about the toilet seat being up….

Now, thankfully my hubs is pretty conscientious  and puts it down.  But it is the standard cliche argument.  So why do women get so riled up??  In my humble opinion it comes down to respect and thoughtfulness.  One feels discarded when they are dismissed by another.  And an argument ensues….

It kind of comes down to fear!

SO MUCH COMES DOWN TO FEAR!!!
ANGER…comes down to fear
FRUSTRATION…comes down to fear
SADNESS …comes down to fear!

We WANT to matter in this world but we FEAR we aren’t GOOD ENOUGH!  And the truth is, we ARE good enough.  But people are mostly unaware of how to articulate through words or actions, and people are left hurt, sad, angry and fearful….

There are meanings behind EVERYTHING we do.  You may think not, but it’s true.  It’s our subconscious always working on the back side.

I’ve pulled my subconscious totally forward and sadly, I’m full of guilt, but I can live with that because I was raised Catholic and we are a hearty bunch…..

The bottom line is this… Most of us go through life shortchanging ourselves and not believing we are good enough.  But the truth is, we are like everyone else, our drive is just different.  And we ALL serve a purpose, no matter our size, shape or thought process.  We are here for a REASON, and if you can find your purpose then work hard to embrace it.  I didn’t start writing until a few years ago, but I always knew that it was in my bones.  Finally one day I started writing every day.

I took a break for a while, but what I found was writing is cathartic and I’m grateful for the outlet!  I need to express myself for balance. And I have no filter, so to share it with the world doesn’t bother me.  I don’t mind looking like an idiot, because I know we are all the same on so many levels.  Scrounging to find our way in life.

I have no idea where this is all going, but just be aware of who you are.  For better or worse you have something to offer the world.

You can either CONTRIBUTE to or CONTAMINATE your future.  Work toward the former…and remember to spread the love.  There is WAY too much negativity in the world.  That area is covered…. love and support….dyer need!!!

Peace out