(once again) The Art of Communication……..

Ladies and Gentlemen;
I like to live by a few rules…. one of the most important lessons I have learned in life is this….. If you WANT to keep a relationship alive; the communication must be alive.  If you want to kill a relationship; just quit talking.  Quit communicating, just…..STOP!

Relationships are like gardens.  If you want them to flourish you must water them every day and clip the weeds and prune and fertilize (this is where the BS comes in if you know what I’m saying) and maintain.

Too many people take this for granted.  I can honestly say, that I have watched lack of communication kill a number of relationships.

I have a few friends who aren’t very good at communicating.  I’m probably the other extreme of an “over” communicator.  Maybe I should slow down a bit.  But I just don’t see how you can get mad at someone for not meeting your needs when they have NO idea what your needs are because you never actually told them!  It’s ridiculous!!!  Recently I found out from two separate friends that I was spreading rumors about them.  Only the rumors were nothing that I could ever imagine coming out of my mouth.  And the best part is, they wouldn’t tell me for a few months.  So even if I did say something that would remotely even sound like something they were thinking I said, I have wiped it so far from my memory that I couldn’t even fathom where it came from.  All I know is that the lack of communication broke down our relationships.  And though I professed my innocence, I am not 100% sure that they believe me and I doubt I will ever know!  And unless I do know, there is nothing I can do about it!  All it did was make me feel sad and removed from my friends and I’m not 100% certain how to go forward.

Communication is the key to healthy relationships.  It just is!  And it is essential in the smallest of instances……

My husband is notoriously NOT a touchy-huggy-kissy kind of guy.  But when I need a hug, I go in and I grab his hands and I put them around me.  And on occasion I have had to tell him to squeeze!  Silly, I know!  But he complies and then I’m happy.  If I walked around waiting for him to hug me – full well knowing that ISN’T who he is- then I would eventually resent him for not giving me what I need!!!

But some people are content with blaming others. It makes them feel better to point the finger OUT instead of IN!   It’s much easier to blame someone else for your unhappiness.  God forbid YOU have anything to do with it?

I read a book a long time ago and I have found that the opening sentence is burned into my brain and stands one HUNDRED percent true:

PEOPLE EITHER BLAME OUT….OR THEY BLAME IN!!!!!

I can know within a few minutes of a deep conversation what kind of person you are.  Because it’s a pattern and the signs are pretty easy to catch when you are used to seeing it.

And it all comes down to effective communication.  You need to know WHO you are talking to in order to effectively get your message across.

I know someone who is a “Blame Out”.  Once upon a time I was asked a question and my response was COMPLETELY calculated and non-committal.  Yet this person took my response as “In full agreement”.  We argue about this 17 years later.  Blows my mind!!!  I was so careful to give the response I did for THAT reason!!!  I still shake my head, but there is nothing I can do about it.  So I walk away agreeing to disagree.

Life is interesting and is constantly presenting twists and turns.  I really don’t have time or energy to try to figure out what someone is thinking.  I’d like to be told so I can talk about it and move on.  I have had some REALLY big fights with some of my best friends.  And THAT is why we are friends today!

Don’t be afraid to speak your mind.  Don’t be afraid to say how you feel.  Don’t make excuses for how you feel, because it is how YOU feel!  We are all entitled to our feelings.  And even if we don’t agree with each other, at least when would know where we stand!

Save your relationships…. go talk!