Moments of Appreciation

One week ago today I was rushed to the ER for severe back pain…

I had just walked four miles and was feeling pretty proud of myself, having worked myself up to that over the last weeks. I came home, took a shower, went to grab my pants and I felt a shift in my back with sharp pain. I stood up, stretched and hoped it would calm… sadly that was not the case.

I had a photo session that day and hobbled through it, then came home and rested. Wednesday night I went to bed and in the middle of the night got up to use the restroom and on my way back to the bed, I collapsed in pain… I had to claw my way to get back in bed. Chris was downstairs, and I didn’t want to bother him, I just hoped I would feel better if I went to sleep, only sleep wasn’t happening for the pain I was in. Every little movement sent excruciating pain through my body. I was laying on my side, trying to sleep because I didn’t want to wake Chris… I passed out between 12 and 4 and let me tell you…the hours between 4 and 6am were the longest of my life. I don’t even remember childbirth being that bad. Any small movement, even an inch had me whaling in pain. When 6am came, I called Chris (yes downstairs from my phone) and he didn’t answer. I was literally crying, “Please answer, please answer please answer” as tears were streaming down my face. I called over and over even though I wasn’t even sure how he could get me out of bed because the grand movement it would take would likely kill me. He finally answered and I told him I needed to go to the ER. He said he needed to get ready and it was exactly 4 minutes…I know because I stared at the clock. He came upstairs and we were deciding how to get me out of bed with as little pain as possible. At this point, I didn’t even know if I could walk.

We almost called 911…

I finally decided that I needed to just do the deed and try to move as fast as I can. I felt so bad, because I could see how powerless he felt on his face. We have never had anything like this happen before.

He moved me as gingerly but swiftly as he could and I screamed the whole time. Winnie heard me and came running into the room on the bed and I could feel her shaking so hard; she was completely freaked out. Avery was trying to get her away from me because any movement was just awful.

Chris finally got me to standing and I was able to go down the stairs myself (with my hand on his shoulder for guidance). I was walking so delicately as the pain was shooting through me.

Getting into the Jeep was quite the feat… He had a step stool ready for me and helped me in. We went to Saddleback where they got me in pretty quick. The staff was amazing (they always are!) and the doctor quickly assessed it was a herniated disc. She gave me a shot of ibuprofen (high dose) and IT.DID.NOTHING!!! I sat in the chair in the ER (hallway) having Chris help me up and down (standing seemed to bring moments of relief). Finally the doctor was thinking of giving me Norco, but seeing my pain, she went straight for the big guns …. Dilaudid. I was familiar with this drug as it has been around a very long time (patented in 1923, just looked it up). It’s 2-8 times more powerful than Morphine… Though I have read about it, I had never heard anyone administered this, but here I was, ready to take whatever she could give me to ease the pain. Within 20 minutes, I could feel my pain diminishing. It did not take all the pain away, but I could handle the constant ache because by comparison, it was a walk in the park.

She sent me home with 3 prescriptions; Ibuprofen (cuz it worked so well the first time ) and anti spasmodic, and muscle relaxer. I wondered how in the hell those things would help bring me comfort. I was couch bound for days, and thankfully, the cocktail worked. But here was my concern… if you have EVER had chronic pain before, you know there is no “end date”…

12 yrs ago I had a bulging disc in my neck (5.3mm) and the pain was 24/7 constant. I would cry many times because there was no relief. Thanks to Chiropractic care, they cured me (though it took 8 months of continuous therapy)…

With this back pain, I was scared my normal life was over. I was now a dependent as it were and thank God Chris is a good housewife, because he took care of my every need!! He even slept downstairs because I was afraid to get back in my bed…and he wanted to be within earshot if I needed him (what a guy!)

Well, today marks one week. Last night I made dinner and this morning, I made biscuits and gravy. Yes, I’m still in pain, but it’s a level 2 instead of 6000… I am feeling grateful that I can do the simple things again. I called my chiropractor and he got me in ASAP and started working on the soft tissue surrounding the spine to make sure it’s “unlocked”, fostering quicker healing. I’m literally bruised from the treatment ( I would liken to Rolfing if you know what that is) and I told him he can bruise me as much as he wants as long as I continue to feel relief. I was in 3 times this week; a little different treatment each time, but feeling better every day! (and med free)

There is nothing scarier than thinking the life you knew is now gone. Chronic pain is no joke people. And the hardest part about chronic pain is it’s invisible to everyone around you, so when you are complaining and they can’t feel it, you sound like a whiner. Be patient with people who suffer.