Have you ever lost someone?  Someone you loved and never imagined would or could leave you?  Have you mourned their loss?

Have you lost more than one person?  Or multiple people at different times in your life?

How was your grief?  What was your mourning process?

Do you feel better now?

…………

I’m pretty sure the answer is a resounding ….NO!

I have lost many in my life.  First loss I profoundly remember was when I was 10.  It was the worst time in my life!  …..or so I thought… at that time…..

But what I have come to find over the years of my life is that grief is painful.  And it has no age.  There is no specified recovery time…. It always just…. IS……

Life is a funny journey.  If you are a good student, you are constantly learning.  Life can be amazing…and life can be hard.  It’s all what you make of it, and there are many opportunities to be amazingly happy!

And then there is reality.

The reality that life can stop on a dime…life can change at any moment.  And any moment in life can change your whole perception of what you thought life could be.

When I was in Kindergarten, I walked to school.  It’s just what we did back then.  It was fine.  I climbed over the wall, and walked down the main road and crossed with the crossing guard, then proceeded down the street to my school.  Never an incident.

One day, on my way home, I walked by a driveway of a home that had an elderly couple sitting together, watching as all the kids walked by.  I’m sure I passed many a time without a word… or maybe I didn’t.  All I remember is, I saw them and walked up to them and said “Hi!”.  They smiled and said “Hi” back.  I told them my name and asked the mans name first.  His name was George. I pointed to, what was his wife and said, “What’s her name”.  He smiled and responded, “Her name is Ruth”.  I was later told that I called her “Root”.  Being 5, that’s what happens.

Over the course of time, George and ‘Root’ were my friends.  I was happy to see them and they, me.  We waved every day.

Eventually, my visits were more than a wave.   I got treats of candy, or apples.  Or possibly other fruit, as they lived on an orchard of at least an acre or two.  Their living came from the oranges, peaches, pomegranates, avocados, plums, or various other creations from God and hard work.

One day about a year into our friendship, I saw George and I asked where ‘Root’ was.  He said she passed away.  In my naive state I asked, will she be back.  I think he may have smiled at my innocense and said, “No.”.  And we left it at that.  That was 1975.  I was 6 years old.  I didn’t really know the difference, so as I continued to visit George, we became close.  He was like the grandpa I never really had.  His door was always open, and I remember dancing with canes and hats he had around the house.  I would lay on the floor and color, without a care in the world, and he would sit in his chair and let me be.  His home was a safe haven from the family of 5 (plus parents) that I grew up with.  I even brought my friends to visit.

I loved my time with George.  His love was unconditional, and I had no idea that he was probably sent from God to watch over me.

As I grew older, I visited less.  Friends abounded and my visits waned a bit.

I remember coming to his house one day, long after Halloween, and he asked, “Why didn’t you come for Halloween?  I saved an apple for you.”  As I write these words, tears stream down my face. I should have stopped for the apple even though I wouldn’t have eaten it for the candy I had….

I wish people today understood precious moments more than they do.

A kind gesture is an amazing thing!!

And yet…time passed…. Until one day….

I was walking passed Georges house and I saw a strange car parked in front.  I looked peculiarly at the people getting out of the car.  They looked at me with curiosity as I asked these strangers, “Are you here to see George?”

I will never forget the woman with the hat looking over the car at the kindly gentleman with worry in her eyes.  She looked back at me and said, “George has passed.  Didn’t you know?”

My heart stopped.  I had nothing to say, but I simply looked down and said, “Okay, thank you”…and I turned around and headed home. I climbed the wall with the ladder that George had placed for me and I walked down the hall of my house, not sure how to tell my dad the news.  In my heart I didn’t think he would care.  He wasn’t as involved with George as I was.

But as I walked into my parents room, and saw my dad watching football, I told him George had died.  It was 1979.  Just after Thanksgiving.  My dad stopped in his tracks and turned off the TV.  I was crying so hard I didn’t know what to do.  My dads response showed me that this was a big deal.  I will never forget that moment.

By the time I found out, he’d already been buried, there was no chance for closure.  I was 10 years old when I walked to George’s sister in laws house (“Roots sister) and asked her (on my own) why she never told me.  At 10 years old, I needed answers.  Her reply was simple…..”I didn’t know how to tell you”

The words hit my like a ton of bricks.  I had no closure.  I didn’t get to say goodbye.  I live, to this day, with the curiosity if he knows how much I loved and appreciated him?  Does he realize that to this day, he has shaped who I am?  Does he know I still think about him?

Death is an interesting beast.  It leaves us so empty.  So helpless.  So wondering.  It leaves us with more questions than answers.  Its healing has no time….

Since George’s passing, I have lost many more, including my father.  When I lost my dad, I was pregnant with my first child, who will be 16 this year.

Not a day goes by I don’t stop and wonder what my dad would think of my two children.  That said, I know he would get a kick out of every time I freak out over them!  That goes unsaid.  Every time there is a female meltdown in my house, I swear I hear my dad laughing….. But I will never physically hear his laugh again.

Death leaves us shallow.  It leaves us wondering.  It leaves us empty…. We lose a little more each time someone dies.  But on the flip side, we are richer for knowing what we had.  We are touched by what we were given.  We are blessed by what they have given us.  If someone dies in your life, and you are left with that feeling of wanting more, then you are left with blessings delivered.

I’m thankful every day that I stopped and said “Hi” to George and ‘Root’.  I wouldn’t trade a second of time with them for the pain of their loss over these last 30 plus years.  Because when I think of them, or my dad, I am left with the many amazing memories that I never would have had, had I not been given those days, weeks years with them.

Life isn’t always easy, but death IS always hard.  Look for the blessings in your life by the moments you have been given to share with the amazing people who have helped shape your life.  Your pain is their testament to how great they were and what an amazing difference they made in this (and your) life!  Life is truly a gift.  Embrace it in all it offers!

No one said it would be easy…but it is worth it!