Yesterday was a weird day.  And when I got home, I realized I wasn’t the only one feeling it.

It’s weird how there are some days that so many people feel the same.  Some say it’s like a full moon syndrome, only yesterday wasn’t a full moon.  I honestly think we are all the same on so many levels.  Connected – if you will.  Because it happens often that stories are similar.  I just wish we could predict it a bit better so we can stay home!

Yesterday was supposed to be a ‘pick me up day’.  Something to get us in to the Christmas spirit.  But what ended up happening was a  bit of a disaster and there is no recovering from it.

We took a day to go to Disneyland.  Only – because the Holiday stuff is up, we decided to go at night to see the lights and hopefully feel more festive.

On our way there, we realized that the park closes at 9, so we have precious little time to make a plan and execute it.  But we were barely in the gate when the arguing started about which ride to go on.   One is a thrill seeker, the other is afraid…….

We decide to do a kid swap.  Only they changed it from the way we used to do it; they make the other kid and adult go all the way back out and stand in the fast pass line!  This is about where I lost it.  Questioning myself why we do this; wondering if we could have taken a different approach, maybe we should have split up, but then if that is they case, why go….on and on and on.  But what happened was, my poor child took the fast pass, saw my face of discouragement and instantly internalized everything.

One thing you may or may not know about  me is; hiding my feelings…. non existent.

So as my child watches my face, her head drops.  And in this moment as we are walking back out of a ride that I just stood 30 minutes waiting for, my mind starts reeling on how to make this NOT all about her.  This is about me too.  I could have taken another approach. I KNEW she wasn’t going on the ride, so for her it was ALL wasted time.   And now she is feeling really bad about it.

I told her I had to go to the bathroom, so when I went in I turned and asked her, “Do you have to go?”….and what I saw broke my heart.  She was leaning against the wall with her chin down, her eyes up to me and barely holding it together.

So when we went outside, I told her that when I was a kid, I was deathly afraid of the rides too.  I remembered a time we were at a fair and my mom put in a farris wheel ride that spun around and around if you wanted it to.  She did, so she spun it around and around and around.  And I remember my mom laughing hysterically saying, “WEEEEEEE” and I was holding on for dear life screaming “STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP”.  I am 43 years old and I remember the fear and panic to this day.

So I KNOW how my child feels.  When I told her I wasn’t mad at her for being scared because I understood; the floodgates opened up.  She cried and I held her on my lap.

I felt really bad as a parent, because she actually did go on the ride once and she absolutely hated it!! So for her to stand in the line again, with even a slight thought she might have to go one was probably torturous for her!!!

I tried to redeem myself by taking her on Toy Story.  It’s a fun ride, but the lines are always atrocious!  40 minutes later we were on the ride.  But for those 40 minutes I stood behind two parents and two small children who were completely oblivious to everyone around them.  I was so annoyed by the time we got on the ride that my anxiety was at an all time high.  The people around me were like crawling on me in some way.  I couldn’t take it.

We were supposed to go into Disneyland.  This is where I was an epic fail.  I said NO.  I had to get out of there and eat and go home.  So we did just that.  But my mood took over the rest of the evening, which totally sucked.

The only good thing is we actually followed through on going.  But what ended up happening is we were left with that feeling of disappointment and wanting a better experience.  So I fear we will have to make another attempt.   And I use the word “fear” simply because squeezing time is really hard from these kids’ schedules.

That said; before we go next time, we will have a clear picture of what we will do.  If we have to split up for a ride or two, so  be it!  But we will go in knowing exactly what will happen.  THIS should make for a better experience and a wiser use of our time!!!

Life goes on….

Happy Tuesday.