Follow your heart

I am a mom of teens.

I wish I had a mom of teens back when my kids started school, so they could shake the self righteousness out of me, so I would leave the elementary school principal alone to deal with more pressing issues.

Just so you know, I was born in the 60’s and raised in the 70’s, and 80’s, left to fend for myself from the 90’s and beyond….

Well, truth be told, I was left to fend for myself from the day I was born!  And that’s no lie!

……………….

What do I mean, you ask?  Well, I was left to fend for myself.  PERIOD.  That is what happened “back in the day” ……

I wish I could account for what has happened to  our society since I was a kid, but I can’t.  All I know, was I had my first child in 2000, and she was born into a state of paranoia and helicopter parenting.  And the end result that I have found thus far is…. a whole lotta kids who can’t be accountable for themselves or accept responsibility.

And…..it’s my fault.    …..well …. and her dad’s.  …..and…. ummmm… society….. (I have learned in current times that I can blame people, so I will….)

Things have changed SO MUCH since I was a kid.  (and yes, this is where I start sounding old as the mountains).

For whatever reason, I was sitting here thinking about today’s kids and reflecting back on how we were raised….and I’m seeing a distinct difference in the outcome of the children.

When I was raised, I was taken to church weekly….like it or not, I had to face God in a Catholic Church, and know that I did something….or MANY things wrong, for which I needed to pay a penance for, and beg for forgiveness, and eventually…. (gulp) confess to a priest….who would tell me how to absolve myself.

I spent half of my childhood apologizing to God and asking for forgiveness for everything from lying (a punishable sin) to saying bad words (which is a habit I never shook off).

I spent my life questioning my behaviors.  And I used to think it was ridiculous!

Fast forward 100 years (or 30ish)…..

I look at children who are raised with, seemingly, NO CONSEQUENCES. And worse yet….their PARENTS are doing the due diligence to make sure their kids aren’t unhappy for one hot second!

I’m guilty.  I admit it.  I have stayed my time with the principal, or assistant principal asking WHY WHY WHYYYYYY???

But as my kids get older, I’m realizing the penalty for NOT letting them fall and land on their own laurels….

I’m realizing that though I’m not as forgiving as some parents, that I have a bit more to teach my kids before they leave me.

It’s kind of frightening when you realize that your children haven’t scored the basic skills of….getting their oil changed at a Jiffy Lube ……

There are so many “little” skills that need to be learned before one can leave the nest.  Have you taught your kids all they need to know?  Will they be able to face their conflicts in the face of adversity?  Will they be able to dispute a check that was inaccurately written?   Will they know how to stand up for their beliefs if someone challenges them?

I know when I was leaving the nest, so to speak…I had a lot of skills in my arsenal.

I was raised by the ‘do or die’ code of ethics…. I had four siblings who were distinctly different, some more conniving than others….  I was ready…..

But today, it seems that parent’s are more prepared to fight their kids fights, than to let them go head to head and see where they fall.

Our children are a product of society.  And I can’t lie when I say, I’m a bit afraid of their capabilities…..

Helicopter parents abound, and kids are rendered useless as the parents swoop in and fight their battles.

Trust me, it’s HARD to stand back and let your kids go it alone.  God forbid they feel abandoned for one second and have to make a snap decision that might be wrong.

But, the truth is this…. The more someone intervenes… the more someone robs another from showing their worth.  The more worthless someone feels…the emptier and more fearful they are.

I recently had to deal with something I thought was a no brainer.  Only, everything I had planned for said “no brainer”, fell through and added more pressure as the deadline date came closer.  I wanted to ask for help, but I told everyone I could do it on my own, because I feared failure in their eyes.  I started waking up, totally stressed that I wouldn’t be able to complete my task.  But as the deadline approached, I stood back and looked at my project and persevered until it was done.  I came in under deadline and I was so thrilled with myself….. WITH MYSELF… because I figured it out on my own.  I now know that I CAN when I Apply myself.

We owe this feeling to our children.  If we fill them with fear that they won’t make it, then they won’t make it.  If we walk away telling them, “Give it your best and come up with something good”….they will prevail.

Put the helicopters away.  Look at your children and tell them, “YOU CAN!” ….. and then give them the grace of time so they can show you that you are correct in your assessment.  If you helicopter and come in and save the day…you are telling them by sheer action, that they CAN’T….. and they deserve better!

Let the teachers teach them.  Let them figure out their arguments.  Let them grow from their pain.  Let them become who they are meant to be….

If you force them to become what YOU want…. they can never achieve the greatness they are truly meant for….

In pain….we have to go through the valleys to appreciate the peaks…..