Every changing life

It’s amazing how life never slows down.  I remember when I was pregnant OH SO MANY YEARS AGO, and I thought, I can’t wait to meet my baby and be home with her.  It will be GREAT!!!

And it was…only it was a LOT harder than I anticipated!  Mothers all around me giggled at my hopeful joy in thinking I’d get peace once she was born.  They knew something I didn’t.  And there was no way for them to explain, because the truth is…It’s too much for one to fully articulate….

Now, 15 years later, as a mother of two girls, I’m feeling about 100 years old in my body.  Forget about my mind, it was shot years ago!  I think that’s by design, because once you get into the teenage years, if you have any scruples left of yourself….you’d realize it’s best to run and hide than actually deal with what you “so willingly” signed up for that many years earlier….

That said, I have no regrets.  I see my kids and I hear their wit and wisdom and I find myself proud that they survived my parenting.  I’m shocked that they still come home willingly no matter how I tried to torture them with my attempt at parenting.

Now in their teen years I see them forming their own opinions about what they want.  And shockingly….I find myself listening.

I’m done with forcing my kids to do what I (or we, meaning me and hubs) want them to do. The teenage years are for them to start spreading their wings a bit and learning how to fall. Of course we still have hopes for them and we have to guide them…but at this time in their lives, they need to understand a bit about consequences.  And they need to learn to fix it on their own.

Why am I talking about this?

I’m reflecting.  I think that is what you do when your kids are about to make a big change. I have one going into high school and another changing high schools.  I have talked to them both about what their plans are…and after dealing with blank stares,  I decided to throw them a few options.

NOW….kids of teen years have NO idea what BIG PICTURE plans are.  They can barely see two feet in front of them and have a hard enough time figuring out if they want crunchy peanut butter or creamy.  And don’t get me started on the jelly choices.

Yes, they are forming their wings, but as parents we need to somewhat guide them into the benefits or consequences of their choices.  And we need to let them fly AND FALL.

Thankfully for us, our kids are still listening a little bit.  Maybe because they need new clothes, I’m not sure, but I will take it no matter how it comes.

Every year, at the end of school, we start talking to the kids about the upcoming year.  Sounds like overkill, but trust me, it’s super passive and not all at once.

Teenagers cannot be hit with BIG decisions.  They need to be ‘offered’ advice or thoughts and then reminded that they need to start thinking about these things.

As a parent of a teenager you do NOT want to put yourself in the position of MAKING a kid do ANYTHING, because then it is YOUR FAULT THAT THEY SUCK AT LIFE!!!!

(okay so they will blame us anyway, but still….)

Hubs and I have done this for years now.  At the end of the year, we start talking to the girls about their options…they blow us off, and we approach them again later.  By the beginning of the following year, we have stuff put in place and move forward.

ONLY…. NOW THINGS ARE MORE CRUCIAL AND THE KIDS DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!

Now we are talking college prep choices and extracurricular and volunteer etc….

It’s crazy-making in the parental world, especially because the kids can’t see two feet in front of themselves.  (Did I mention that already?)

Anyway, my point in all this is that working with kids is a delicate process.  And it never gets easier.  You think the next year will be easier still, but the truth is, when you have kids IT’S NEVER EASY!!!  Because your heart is so consumed with making the best choices that it interferes with your ability to be a normal functioning human being in society!!!

(is that overkill?)

I love my kids dearly.  But every year I think it will be easier and it’s just a different kind of hard.

I was told years (well decades) ago, that each phase of childbearing/rearing prepares you for the next.  And I dare say it’s true.

Once you have kids you are no longer responsible for your own life.  You are now responsible and accountable for yourself and the lives of your children.  So every decision counts!!!

Now…all that said, I have checked in with the wisdom of those who have come before me….  And I thank God DAILY for those who have come before me…. Because their advice is always the same….

It all works out.  It JUST DOES!

I have had so many conversations with parents recently about “WHAT AM I GONNA DO?”

But I remember a conversation I had with a mom of grown kids when I was pregnant with my first.  I asked her advice and she said to me, “I wish I had 5 kids like I wanted.  We stopped early because we were afraid that we wouldn’t be able to manage them all, but we realized too late that it would all just work out!”

I never forgot that conversation.  And as I sit here today, I was always curious to have at least 3 kids, but fear got in my way…..

But the lesson in all this is, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”.  As long as you are worrying about your kids and present with them and helping to guide them in the mundane decisions of life, it will be fine!  YES…there will be challenges.  But you aren’t the only one being challenged… your child needs you for all the little things in life, and thank God they have you to help them.  Because it’s the little stuff in life that you help them with that makes them see the big picture in things!  Not all at once… but eventually!

No one said it was easy…but it is worth it….