Dumbfounded and heartbroken

This morning I opened facebook to see that a very sweet girl that we knew passed away at the age of 14.  It’s been years since we have seen her, so I didn’t know she was sick, but to see she had passed was like a gut punch to my soul.

Having two girls of my own, I could not imagine losing either of them, but I know that we are not in control down here and life can deal you some very heavy hands.

It’s funny how you can be going about your morning in a regular way and then have one piece of information side swipe your day by slamming your emotions like a mac truck.

This girl was a little red head like my Avery.  My girls were raised at a dance studio and this sweet girl was like the little mascot.  Everyone loved her, she was the sweetest girl.  Avery loved scooping her up, she was always good with the littles.

My morning has been consumed by the memories of this girl, and truth be told, I don’t even know how to tell my girls that Lucy has passed.  Even though my girls are in their 20’s, I’m not sure how they will process this information and as a mom, I’m left wondering how to tell them.  Last we saw her, we went to her house and the girls played for a bit.  That was so many years ago, yet I can see it in my minds eye like it was yesterday.

I feel Ferris Bueller in my head all of a sudden as I am reflecting on years past… “Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it”.  I feel like I blinked and a decade has disappeared.  But in truth, we have taken our different paths and this time our reconnection at the next junction is not the stop we ever hoped to make.

One thing I cherish more than anything else is my girls.  I gave up my career to stay home with them and it was the best decision of my life (made possible by my husband of course).  My goal was to start a photography business, which I did along the way.  Because of my children, I was able to start my business and grow it with them while documenting them throughout the years.

Many of those years were at a dance studio that literally helped raise them.  I was able to shoot the dancers and support the studio while the studio supported the girls dance.  They both danced starting at the age of 3.  They went on to be competitive dancers and we have so many wonderful memories of their dance years.

Now that they are adults, my business has grown in the community and I mainly focus on senior portraits, headshots and family photos.

Time moves in the blink of an eye and as I sit here reflecting this morning, I am reminded that we need to really take in more of those moments and savor them, because as sad as it is, we never know when it is going to be our last.

As a photographer, I have many stories of how life changed in the blink of an eye.  As a photographer, I am invited into peoples lives.  I get to learn about their stories and even hear how many stories have ended.  I am both proud and sad to say that my photos have been at the forefront of many funerals.  When you shoot for as long as I have, it’s bound to happen.  But it’s just a reminder that none of us are guaranteed anything in this life and it’s important to make the most of your life in the moments you have.

If you follow me at all, you know I am working on releasing resentments from the past.  I feel like the information I have gotten this morning about little Lucy is a reminder of how fragile time is and those resentments aren’t even a zero on the scale of one to ten in regards to importance in life.

Yet it is still something we have to face and deal with, which can be very difficult.  The conversation between the brain and the heart… never the twain shall meet…

On this morning, I want to pay homage to sweet little Lucy.  You were a shining star.  People loved to see you and you made people smile.  You were remarkable; you stood out in the crowd.  Your loss is not a small one.  You were here for a reason and I am so grateful that me and the girls had the good fortune to know you.   Though we may have lost contact over the years, your impression was made on our hearts.  My prayers are with your family, but you will not be forgotten.  We will see you again sweet girl.  Until then, keep an eye on your family.