So, yesterday I got a little excited and cleaned my kitchen up as a friend was coming over and I’m a bit tired of saying, “Please excuse the house” even though she’s seen it a million times and doesn’t show that she cares.

It took me mere minutes of furious cleaning to get the job done.  And though I didn’t do a thorough job, you could at least see the counters and very little evidence of dishes (from an angle), so I called it a day.

She never really came in far enough to see the kitchen, so it didn’t totally matter, but I knew when hubby got home, he might be at least mildly amused that he has somewhere to put a plate should he decide to eat dinner.

I often think about why I can’t ‘snap’ into a cleaner mode in life.  And I think about it more often than you know.  I have had friends over who don’t get it and I have had people say, ‘Can’t you “JUST” pick up as you go?’

If you have read my blog AT ALL,  you know this is a recurring theme with me.

But recently I have had many people over as it was both kids’ birthdays and so I very reluctantly let people come and drop their kids off.  And when this happens, I somehow see things in a new light (through their eyes) and feel the shock of seeing my house for the first time! (maybe because I see their faces….)

What’s so bad about it you ask?

Well, for starters it’s untidy.  Now, I’m not a hoarder, because hoarders can’t “hide” their stuff.  I can hide it.  But my house is very cluttered and the carpet is just thrashed – so much so that we can’t even bother to try to clean it, because it’s that far gone!  That said; when a kid spills on my floor I’m not so inclined to freak out…..  So there is an up side I guess.

But as I watched the many new faces who entered my home this week, I started (once again) reflecting on my habits and wondering if by the grace of God, I could change.

And strangely I started reflecting on a friend whose house I visited recently for lunch.  I had never been there before and the first thing I noticed was it was tidy and very nicely decorated.  You could see the counters in the kitchen and the floors around the house and everything was put away.  It was very homey and nice.

We were having salad for lunch and I watched her put the salad together.  I used the word “put” for a reason, because I would “throw” the salad together.  But I watched her ever so carefully tear the salad leaves, cut the veggies and other ingredients into small bite-sized pieces.  She washed her hands in between each veggie and it took her a while to put the salad together.  It was more of a craft than a lunch, I was pretty impressed.  And as she worked through everything she rinsed as she went along until we finally sat down to lunch, which was yummy.

But what I realized in all this is we all have our own “methods” by which we operate.  Some aren’t content until the whole job is followed through.  Where others do it in bits and pieces and then others just flail about and eventually get back to it all.

And in case you are wondering about me…..I’m the latter of the three……  Big surprise!

I just had a friend come over and admit that she was shocked when she first saw my house.  The very thought of this makes me cower and want to become a hermit, because it’s just easier. But alas, she was back a second time so I tried not to think too much of it.

But the truth is, I really do think much of it.    And the truth is, in my day-to-day life, it’s “okay”.   Not great, but “okay”, because I’ve always been this way.  But the truth is also this; when I invite people over, I can’t help but feel less accomplished and more ashamed of the way I am.

And I’m throwing this out there, because I can’t deny who I am.  I put it out there for everyone to read.  I don’t want pity and I don’t want advice.  I just want to let people know that I am who I am and I have many flaws.  The rich side of this is many people don’t care.  And I want to say thank you to those people for accepting me exactly as I am!!

We all have shortcomings and yes I have written this all before.  But there are times more than others where these things are staring us in the face and we start questioning who we are.  I do it more often than I write or say.  But I do know that I write and say a hell of a lot more than most people.

So there ya go.
I said it.

Peace out….