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SOOOOOO… I have no idea where this is going to go, but something hit me today and as I write, I’m trying to figure out how to formulate my thought process….

If you don’t know me, I’m a married woman with two kids, 17 and 19 yrs of age.

As I look back at the seasons of my life, I’m literally in the “Where the hell did the time go” stage of my life.   And… I won’t lie… it SUCKS!!

The days are long, but the years are short people.  I have heard it said, and I’m living it now.  If you happen to be a mom with littles in the house, you have a wild ride ahead of you, and all those crazy parents you scoffed at, at least once… you realize weren’t crazy after all.

This last few years have hit me between the eyes, and I no longer qualify for Mid Life Crisis, because that kind of happened while I was raising kids.  So now I’m left more looking forward to retirement (gasp).

And if you are younger, and you think I’ve lost you.. just hang in there a second with me. and weigh in at the end.  You may not connect with it now, but you never know when words spoken to you may come back and hit you upside the head.

I’ve said it before; I quit my corporate job to raise kids… In that time, I started my own photography business, which was slow growing, but has come around to be the biggest blessing in my life (well, aside from the obvious).

I’ve met the most amazing people over the course of the journey called life and I’m so thankful.  But as I approach the “after mid life crisis” time of my life, and soon to be empty nesters syndrome, I’m forced with deep reflection, and it’s kind of scary and wonderful at the same time.

Recently I had an episode with my mother.  We had to call 911 and get her into the ER because she fell and we needed to make sure she was okay.  (Thank you to any and all first responders in the world, you are truly amazing creatures and we are blessed to have you).

While in the ER, I could see my mom was a bit scared, based on the words she said.  She lamented about being “Old” and as she spoke, it sounded to me like she wanted to throw in the towel.  (sorry to throw you under the bus mom, I love you).

This response was a tad disappointing to me, I won’t lie.  If you know my mom, she has full faculties about herself, but she suffers from breathing issues and she moves slower than she used to.  She blamed old age time and again.  It really made me sad.

That said, she was released from the ER, (mostly) clean bill of health and home we went!

Not long after her visit, I signed up for a voice class; only I didn’t see that it said, “Emeritus” on the description; I was only looking for the teacher I knew I wanted for this subject.

Definition of emeritus

(Entry 1 of 2)

: a person retired from professional life but permitted to retain as an honorary title the rank of the last office held

Suffice it to say…I’m not retired… YET!!!

BUT…given that my kids are both driving and completely independent… I’m definitely retired from my former duties…
Let me tell you… When all you sacrificed for, grows up and doesn’t need you as they once did… You are THROWN into another part of your life that you weren’t ready for….and it’s scary…As I walked in to my new class, I was really excited…until I started looking at the faces and age difference (granted, I’m not that far off, but clearly, I’m not where they are yet) and I felt a bit self conscious and wondered how I signed up for the wrong class.

I took a deep breath, said “Just do it” and sat down next to a lovely woman, whom I soon found out was in a choir and a serious musician (cue another doubtful moment).

As the class started and the instructor began talking, I looked around the room at my classmates.  I swear I looked at each and every one of them.  And the only one with any issues was me!

I sat in the back of the room, trying to hide, but as the class went on, my shoulders dropped and my awareness heightened.  I realized that we were all in the same room for the same reason.  We are all the same.  No matter our age, we are there to learn and grow from the instruction of our wonderful teacher.

The more I let my guard down and accepted I was not in the class I thought I signed up for; I kind of got the feeling that I was exactly where I needed to be!  I was in a room with amazing human beings of an advanced age, who continue to grow in any capacity they could.  I found myself looking around the room at men and women who haven’t given up on themselves.

As I looked around the room, I started feeling inspired.

I truly believe there are no accidents in life.  Deliberately, or subconsciously, I signed up for this class on the heels of watching my mother say she didn’t like aging.

The truth is… NOBODY likes aging.  If we all had our druthers, we would stay young and beautiful forever.  But that isn’t our choice.

What we DO get to choose (for the most part), is HOW we age.

Many years ago, I had lost weight and I was fit, with energy and looking REALLY good… But something settled inside of me and I slowly let it go, and I’m now living in a body that has many aches and pains …. And I earned it…

I think at some point, I settled into the “I’m getting older” belief, and let things go.

But as I sat in this classroom with all these awesome “elderly” people, I was faced with the actual truth.  We choose to age, or we choose to stay young by the passions we pursue.  THE CHOICE IS OURS!!

I’m thankful for the mistake I made, even though I don’t feel it’s a true mistake.  I feel that something inside of me needed to see forward, and I clicked the wrong button by mistake, on purpose.

I do understand where my mom is coming from, and I know why she feels that way.  But as I immerse myself among my new people, I walk away with great appreciation and gratitude.

Just today, I wanted to go up and sing, but was so afraid.  The lady next to me, who I sit next to every week, gave me the emotional courage to jump up and just do it.   I was so thankful!  I shook like crazy, but got through it; my teacher guided me to make an adjustment and sing again, and I did… and I was met with a classrooms applause (which is standard).  How empowering.  But beyond that, during break, a few people came up to me and complimented me to the point of near tears.  I was humbled by their graciousness and so very thankful for my crazy mistake of signing up for the RIGHT class!!!

Don’t let age dictate your motivations.  Find power in the YES, and JUST DO IT!!