I’m an “Almost”

What a weird day!  I went out and bought a serger on a whim.

What’s a serger you ask?  Well, it’s that funky machine with at least a few spools of thread that finish the edges of your clothing for a more professional look!  Only I don’t know how to use it…..But I didn’t care.  I wanted it and it was a steal!

So, as I sat with the woman who showed me the basics (the very basics), I found myself a little elated at the possibilities with this new found gem.  But as I drove home (all streets for about 45 minutes), I found myself feeling a little melancholy, reflecting on the great man who would not only know how to use the serger, but could also pull it apart and put it back together again without flinching…. my DAD.

There’s a lot to reflect on with him, he was one of five kids and then went on to have five kids of his own, with my mother.  I realize now, how I totally took this man and his knowledge for granted.  He was beyond brilliant (but not without faults like the rest of us).

When I was growing up, it was no big deal for him to sew us clothing (with mom of course), and fix things around the house, fix cars, build cabinets, sew curtains (fancy, with pleats), fix sprinklers,  do masonry work (bricks), build fences (to keep in stray animals…say a horse….that his children, well, THIS child would spring upon him…..).  He just did it all.

And all the years I watched him do his thing, it never really occurred to me how he learned all his skills.  And I never thought to say, “hey, can I help”, so I could learn, because I was simply a kid who couldn’t see past my next want.

I spent a lot of my childhood “running away” so to speak.  I was always out the door with friends, or at the park or bike riding or whatever.  Although we did have to learn to do the basic chores, I never aspired to do more than that.

So it makes me wonder where the difference is between my dad and myself?  I know we are all different.  But somehow, he learned everything he knew which were all pretty time consuming things.  And I think the way he took most of them on was by just jumping in head first.  He’d sort out the details later.  And I find myself very similar in that way.  I’m impulsive and enthusiast just like he was….. only my determination peters out a lot sooner…..

That said, I do know what I get from both my parents.  I’m a good balance of both I think.  But as my dad is gone, I find myself wondering more about my life with him and what I could have done different.  And the truth is, I have no regrets.  But I do have questions.  Questions I will never get answers to.  And that’s a hard pill to swallow.

But at the same time, as I look in retrospect, I see a man who gave it his all.  Everything he did was for his family.  He wasn’t perfect, but he was a really good example of what a man/husband/father could be!

Much of our lives are living by example….what we see is what we learn.

And what I saw in my dad was a stand up guy who lived for his family, worked for his family, was present for his family.  He paid the bills and went without for himself when necessary.  He did his best to share his skills with his family.  And I would like to think that all of us walked away with something for sure.  I’m pretty sure my ability to write is straight from him.  He was a great writer!  Effortless.  I would also like to think I got his sense of humor (though my mom is pretty hysterical herself…Irish wit and all), I think I got the ability to cook, compassion, love of animals and my desire to try to “do it myself” (even though I have spent $300 to make something, when I could have spent $15 to buy it).  Not always the best decisions, but my good intentions are there!

I can’t imagine what it would have been like to go into your bathroom, decide you didn’t like a cabinet, and just go in the garage and make another!?  I can’t imagine being able to know what was wrong with a car just by the sound…. (although I have changed my own parts before…most notably, a gas tank in my ’67 Ghia).

He was an example for what could be.  And though I have some traits, I’m more of an “almost” than an exact science.

It’s weird that a serger moved all that sentiment, but it did.  And I’m glad for the thought.  It’s a short day to honor my dad who could do it all even if he didn’t finish some of the projects he started (an ode to mom LOL)!  The fact that he COULD do it is pretty amazing to me!

Oh…and did I mention, he was an attorney.  A Patent Attorney (and I had no idea what that was for most of the years of my life).

My dad was a dying breed and I knew it way back when.  Now that I look back at all the stuff he was able to do, I stare at my serger with question marks over my head and think, “I may not know how to use it, but I bet he would be proud that I will even try”.