Who has your power?

This last week I have been struggling with where I’m putting my focus.  As a mom of two VERY busy kids, and a business of my own to run, I have a squirrel-brained life of jumping from one thing to the next.

Somehow, over the last few years, I have gotten into a more negative mindset.  A victim, if you will.  I have been feeling like I have no control of my life and that there are so many unaccomplished things surrounding me, that I’m feeling a bit like a failure.  When I stood back and took a closer look, I realized something interesting….  I’m giving ALL MY POWER to that which surrounds me.  And i decided at that moment, that I need to take a look at exactly WHO or WHAT I am giving my power over to…..and TAKE BACK CONTROL!

Now, before you all go jumping to conclusions of “Is it ME???” I’m simply going to answer…YES!  (it’s not, but if you are that concerned, then you may have it!)

The POWER I speak of is all in my head.  I find myself in a situation where I can only see the negative when in truth there are at least two sides to every situation.

A few years ago, my daughter started middle school.  All her teachers were fine, except one.  For whatever reason, this teacher seemed to “have it out” for my kid and for the life of me, I didn’t understand why!  Finally, after a month of what seemed like her having it out for my kid, I decided to draft a letter…..AND CC the principle.  (did you know that “cc” is derived from “Carbon Copy” which back in the old days meant two pieces of paper with a carbon sheet in between, which when put into the typewriter the pressure from the keys would push the letter onto the first page, through the carbon sheet which would create the “carbon copy” which would then be shared with a second party or put in a file! (SQUIRREL)

In my letter I asked the teacher if there was a problem with my daughter.  I further offered that if there was no resolution, we could certainly meet with the principle to rectify the situation.  Her response was so kind that I kind of felt bad for my “out of the gate” rough attitude.  Later that year, the same teacher awarded my kid with a Student of the Quarter award.  And when I approached her and said thank you, her response was, “Oh your child deserves it!  She has been very helpful with a challenged student in the class.  She’s a good kid!”

……………….. wow………. This teacher wasn’t the monster I had portrayed in my mind.  I kind of just took a little molehill and made a mountain of it and wasted a whole lot of energy in the process.

I realized that I do that a lot.  And part of me wants to blame my husband of 16 years because he is the great anticipater of all that is bad!  Which is actually good, because it’s a skill that serves him well in his career.  Let me repeat that…. It serves HIM well………..  You can’t be with someone for (a total of) 19 years and NOT absorb some of their traits.   This trait DOES have it’s place. The only thing is, I kind of took it and ran with it and it’s NOT a good trait for ME!  Because I don’t really know how to use it properly…….

Beware your coping mechanisms, because they could just become your downfall!!!

Thankfully for me, I’m always in my head and trying to learn from my mistakes.  Truth is, I don’t just learn from mine…I learn from many people’s mistakes.  After some great conversations this week with my beloved friends, I realized that I’m misusing my power and I need to make sure to keep myself in check.  Everything ISN’T a problem!  Sometimes it’s just a situation that needs to be handled.   “It is what it IS” so to speak.

When thinking about your situations try not to look at them with judgement.  Our emotions mess up our ability to see things objectively (which is where I really rely on my friends to set me straight!).  If you look at something with “INTEREST”, you can now see it from a different perspective!!!

For example…. If you have had a bad day, and you are tired, and your kid comes home in a bad mood and instantly takes it out on you, you are more likely to react emotionally than compassionately (or maybe that is just me!).  BUT….if you take the same situation and stop and LOOK at your child and take a long deep breath before opening your mouth, you MIGHT be able to see that your child is actually hurting inside and needs a little TLC.

My goal is to strive for the latter in that scenario.  And I say that because I have been doing the opposite.  NOT just with children, but with so many little issues lately.

Just remember to keep perspective and keep your power…..

Happy Saturday!