Dear Children (and your parents), This is for you

I have been married for 15 years. FIFTEEN! Do you know how weird it is to say that? Pretty weird since I’m only 29! (I know, I know….but a girl can dream, can’t she?)

You learn a lot when you are married (or single, or whatever). Truth is, if you are paying attention, you learn a LOT!!

Tonight I was driving my daughter home from dance and she (once again) mentioned “in passing” how she’d like to have an Iphone 5….C…. an Iphone 5C. Which is better than what I have.
I had finally had it with this request, and all other requests for that matter, because the underlying message no matter what is, “I WANT MORE!!!!”

So, I ask, WHEN IS MORE EVER ENOUGH???

Years ago, when I got engaged to my husband, he gave me a ring; it was a beautiful ring of platinum with a lovely diamond. I remember after he proposed and put the ring on my finger, I felt like I had the rock of Gibraltar of a diamond on my finger. We were in a public place, and literally was hiding my hand so it wouldn’t get stolen. I LOVED it so much. The platinum was so heavy that I really felt it on my hand and was present of its existence every day. I was so happy!!!

As years went on, more friends got engaged. And many of them had bigger diamonds. I suddenly found myself looking at my once “Rock of Gibraltar” and feeling a little inadequate. So, I started dropping hints that we would eventually upgrade said rock to a larger one as the years went on.

After a while, life happened, we bought a house and had a child. But the ‘rock’ was still on my mind; so I would continue to drop hints. It’s almost like it became a fixation. I would look for larger diamonds and mention it to my husband.

After a few years, I think he’d had enough. He finally put his foot down and said, “YOU are hurting my feelings!” (in a matter of speaking).

And in that moment, I realized what I had done. I lost sight of what the rock really meant and I almost put our relationships wealth on it and didn’t realize how I was demeaning his efforts.

When he was searching for a diamond, he really did his research. He spoke to his dad about it, and sat with the jeweler and went through a number of choices before he settled on the best one for his budget. All the C’s were in place; Color, Clarity, Carat, etc…. By the time he left that jewelry store, the rock he chose was specifically chosen by him, for me.

When I realized what I had done, I felt awful. And I realized that I disrespected his efforts. It was literally like saying to him, I don’t care what you went through for me, I want what I want!!!

From that day on, I put on my ring with pride. I’ve always loved my ring and I cherish what it means to us. But for a while, I lost sight because there was something different on the horizon.

I feel like this happens with our children. There is SOOOO much out there, nothing is ever enough. If you have a DS, someone else has a PlayStation. And if you have a PlayStation, someone else has a Wii….

EVERY time I purchase something for my kids I think, “YA….This will do them for a while!” But that “while” seems to get shorter and shorter and the demands more and more often.

Finally today in the car, when my daughter asked for the next and latest in cell phones, I looked her square in the eye and I told her, “If you aren’t happy with what you have then I will just take it away. Because it isn’t a necessity in your life, and you clearly aren’t happy with it!” She quickly replied, “NOOO”. And I then told her, “When you ask me for the next and best, you are disrespecting what we have already given you. You HURT my feelings when what you have isn’t enough for you”

THIS, is where parenting comes in. That moment when you FINALLY say NO! And let your kids know that happiness doesn’t come from the “Stuff” you own.

You make a living by what you earn – you make a life by what you give!

Sometimes giving is in the lesson and not the stuff. We have a society of emotionally and self-worth deficient kids. This is a growing epidemic thanks to the latest and greatest.

When you see those who are most successful, very often in life they are the ones who had to start from the bottom and pull their way to the top. For those “at the top” with all their “stuff”, where is their self worth, or better yet, their desire to strive and work toward anything more??

I had quite a lesson today with my children. I realized that I’m failing them a bit. I give in just a little too often, because it’s easier than arguing with them. (I’m sooooo tired….. so just say yes….)

Well, as my grandma Catherine used to say, “Spoil your children at home and they’ll make a fool out of you in public”. And I have witnessed this with many kids. Thankfully my children aren’t at Defcon 9, so I only have a little correcting to do, but to be honest, I think this is a lifelong battle.

We live in the land of the disposable; and there are sales a plenty to pick up the slack and many many peers to help guide the way.

I think the most powerful word in the human language is “NO”. And I dare say it’s not used enough.

Now, I’m not a self-righteous mom who gets it all right. This parenting thing is quite the process. But I’m a work in progress and I like the share my journey as it unfolds. It’s all just my opinion in a great big world. You can take it or leave it!!!

I just happened to have “a moment”…. and decided to let you all in.

Happy Friday