Who hates me now?

Do you ever feel, as a parent, you are always disappointing SOMEONE?

Today it’s a child, yesterday it was the husband, the day before that it was the other child and so on and so on and so on…..  It’s a never ending cycle.

I remember when I gave birth to my first child I heard the advice, “Remember, now you have TWO children!”  I thought, “WHAT?”

Slowly, I understood.  The ‘first child’ was my husband. Not a disrespectful statement by any stretch of the meaning.  It simply meant that now I have TWO people who rely on me to be there for them in good and bad, in sickness and in health yadda yadda yadda…..

But what is hard to absorb, is that one dependent is a child who will literally die without you, …. and the other is a full grown adult who will make it a while on their own….

THAT SAID….Hindsight is most definitely 20/20.

My husband didn’t marry me so he could be left behind with the first offspring he helped create.  Nor the second….

Marriage and children are a constant balancing act.  When my first daughter was born, I had all day, every day to be with her.  It was such a sacred time.  I didn’t leave her with a sitter (aka Grandma) until she was 9 months old.  NINE MONTHS!!!!

Where was the husband all this time you ask?  Well, he was there in la la land with me, absorbing, enjoying, and sometimes resenting the beauty we had been gifted.

When the second child came along, the first was bumped to the curb (or to daddy as it were) and I continued in la la land with # 2 for a while, who was promptly deposited with grandma at 5 weeks old.  Lesson learned!

As the years have gone on someone always needs some attention.  And as a mother, I have to be ready to deliver.

Anyone with kids can attest to the fact that you are constantly juggling.  It’s nice to be wanted, but sometimes you feel like you are barely treading water.

The age old question from the hubby,  when he walks into the house from a long day at work, and sees that nothing changedin the house asking, “What did you DO all day?”  And you literally stop what you are doing, with loose hairs flying in your face and shmutz smeared on your clothes from you’re not sure where,  food between your teeth,  and you look at him with confusion on your face and a few extra lines from lack of sleep and say in earnest, “I don’t knowwwwwww“.

And the years roll on…….

And over the years it’s all a cycle.  Some years favor one kid over the other and other years favor the other kid.  (If you have more than two children, God bless you and my hat is off to you).

Recently, I heard from one of my children that she thinks I favor the other way more.  I totally get why she feels this way as I’m exhausted carting the “favored one” around with her crazy schedule.

And I have to remember that I have multiple people relying on me who will somehow let me know down the road (when I have completely forgotten) how I totally neglected them in their youth.  And YES, I mean the husband too.

No wonder women age at twice the rate of men.  We should be handed awards on a weekly basis for best recovery from a naked child in public.  Or best driving skills getting multiple kids to different locations at the same time.  Or even something as minute as best way to sneak veggies into a whopper cheese burrito without the kid noticing.

Have you SEEN the movie “One Fine Day”?  When Michele Pfeiffer put on her son’s shirt with a lovely scarf for a business meeting?  The way she pulled magical things out of her Mary Poppins bag?  How George Clooney lost Michelle’s kid only to find it in a random store with a Cat???  PRICELESS parenting moments!!

I felt like a ‘fail’ tonight because I had the opportunity to spend the night with said “neglected” daughter and I pushed her off to have an adult night.  I realized rather quickly after joining the party that my heart was pulling me in the “right” direction, so I left.

I got home just in time to steal my daughter away to ice cream with her friend and let her know that I don’t favor one child over the other, but my schedule is simply dictated by that of my other daughter and I’m currently trapped in whirlwind of time that is not mine.  I further explained that just last year my ‘neglected’ daughter had ALL my time and the ‘favored’ daughter was left in the lurch.  I told her that parenting is often dictated by the schedules of our children.  And as my ‘neglected’ child has a light schedule this year, my attention is temporarily dictated elsewhere.  HOWEVER…. now that I have been put on notice by my ‘neglected’ child, I will do my best to squeeze in pockets of special time to let her know she is not neglected, but she is equally as special as my other child.

We are blinded by our day to day life.  The only thing that can bridge the gap of our blindness is communication.  Sometimes I forget to ask the important questions.  But thankfully with the help of my “village” (those who pitch in to help raise my children – husband is still left alone – ) I was made aware that there is a kink in the chain and I need to fix it.

Yes, I’m still tired and yes I’m still juggling.  But thanks to a little communication and a boost from Baskin Robbins, I think we will be okay!!

Don’t forget to check in with all members of your household!  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!