So I have had a few conversations lately about people feeling unappreciated.

Appreciate: 1.Recognize the full worth of.
2.Be grateful for (something).

We’ve all been there….Parents, friends, husbands, wives, friends, employess…..it’s across the board!!

Have YOU ever felt unappreciated???
-Parents give up their lives to care for their kids, yet kids just ask for more without understanding the sacrifices made.
-Friends see each other so often, they take each other for granted,
-Husbands ignored by their wives because they are busy carpooling kids and dealing with kid/house/family issues or working and exhausted
-Wives feeling ignored by their husbands because they are busy working and come home and want to decompress,
-People at their jobs giving all they have, feeling taken for granted without benefit of a thank you,
-Teachers unappreciated, because they beat the same information in time and again, and the kids don’t seem to listen, or even show that they are getting what is being taught, and they get bombarded by parents with requests or issues and then they have to answer to administration if anything goes awry……..

I’ve heard it a lot lately, and I won’t lie, I have said it a lot in my life. But the question is this…..
If you are feeling unappreciated then what exactly would it take for you to be content? Is it a gesture, words; a card or compensation?

I know many times when I look inward, I DO have something to do with it. But I also admit, that many times, despite my efforts, I get nothing for my hard work, and I’m left scratching my head wondering why do I bother????

I learned early on in jobs that if you are getting paid to do something, you’d best get it done and do it well. No one pays you so they can listen to excuses as to why you failed!

I would say in 90 percent of my jobs, despite how hard I worked, I rarely got recognition. In one job in particular, I was recruited to train the new people coming in because I did a good job of it. Only….they didn’t want to pay me for it. I just had to shut up and do it. And even though I was training people, the one who did her job way less effectively than I did, ended up with many of the awards, simply because she had a ‘nice demeanor’. So yes, I admit, I would get frustrated at times and bring up the issues that weren’t being taken care of, and apparently passion wasn’t part of my job description, so nobody took note that I was frustrated because I was actually doing my job well and expected the same from others. So I got no appreciation whatsoever. And to be honest, though it did bother me, (because I put a LOT of effort into that job,) I realized that I was hired to do a job and that was why they paid me. So I did that and nothing more.

And to be honest, that probably summed up many of my jobs. Appreciation was never part of my jobs.

When you work so hard, it’s nice to know it’s appreciated. But I sometimes think we get lost in the “Me” and forget to look at the “We”.

So many times I look at the house and I point out things my husband doesn’t do. And I get frustrated. And if I’m in a really bad mood, I’ll pick a fight over it. But when I stop and look at all the things he could complain to me about what I don’t do, it makes me realize it is a two-way street.

Years ago, my sister told me about this story she heard about a Persian rug that had a stain. When people would look at the carpet, they would instantly hone in on the stain and not even acknowledge the beauty of the rug itself. They completely overlooked the intricacy of the weave, or the colors, or the amazing pattern. They simply saw the stain and rendered the carpet worthless.

And it’s a shame. Because the stain doesn’t make the carpet. It’s simply a part of the carpet. But many of us being the way that we are can’t get past the stain.

Relationships are the same. None are perfect. We all have our issues to deal with. But when you aren’t feeling appreciated, it’s almost like the stain gets bigger and you can’t see anything else!

Did you know that the person or entity by whom you feel unappreciated probably feels unappreciated too???

More often than not, we are looking inward. We don’t stop to think about how someone else could possibly be dealing with the same frustrations we are.   It is much easier to point the finger OUT than IN (meaning to blame others for our unhappiness).  But if you are feeling unappreciated, you have to realize you can’t control what someone else does if they don’t know about it.

Simple communication can make a big difference.

I have read many  Self-help books in my life and EVERY ONE of them says, “You can only control YOU”.  So to expect someone to yield to your wishes is a bit foolhardy.

You can change how someone RESPONDS to you by changing how you interact with them.  But you cannot change how another person thinks or acts and to demand so is simply beating your head against a wall.

If you want to see change, then you must change.  Or….you must communicate.

More often than not, when I have a conversation with my husband and tell him something, he is usually blindsided.  He doesn’t read minds and therefore cannot give me what I want, because he has NO idea what that is.  And to be honest, more often than not, neither do I!

So to feel unappreciated,  you are not alone by any stretch.  But hope things will change on their own is to simply stare at the stain on the persian carpet and hope it will go away.   It just doesn’t make sense.  You will have to get a bucket and soap and a cloth and work at the stain until it disappears.

Anything worthwhile is worth working for.

Now go get a bucket!!