Why we do it

It’s a crazy thing this thing called life. So many times I have wondered what’s the point of all that we go through. Why me, why not me…

I know I am not alone. We trudge through and usually follow the path of those who came before us. Many times without asking why.

So I guess I am sitting here…after dropping off our firstborn at college in another state, and asking the question ‘why?’

Who ever said it’s a good thing to send your kids away to college? What’s the end goal there?

As I am flying home from leaving her, I find my cheeks drenched in tears, staring out the window, hoping no one notices and doing my best to distract myself by making shapes out of the landscape and wondering how I just spent 18 years of my life, giving up a career, staying home and nurturing this little creature who I just dumped in another state, because that’s just what people do …. 🧐

So far, on my flight home, I have seen Winnie the Pooh, a cougar head, a loose interpretation of a pac man, a cinnamon swirl bun, a patchwork quilt, and some hieroglyphics…. still not consoled, OR understanding why this is the best answer…

But what’s holding me back from going into the cockpit, and turning this plane around is, for the last 30 or so days, I have had a glimpse into her non-college life, laying in bed until noon and then tooling around looking for things to do and realizing that she’s motivated by things she HAS to do. (Just saw a Porsche symbol).

If she stayed local, she would likely get a job and do junior college, which is just fine. But what she GETS to do, is jump into adulting, and be responsible for herself for the first time in her life….and figure it out on her own.

As we set up her dorm, we met many of her dorm mates, and saw a wide range of personalities. New personalities that she will either gel with, or avoid. People she will learn from, and people she may teach.

She has activities and opportunities that await her for the next four years, that she wouldn’t have if she stayed at home going to school.

When we left her, she was off to her first meeting, followed by a welcome dance. The energy was so charged there, I was a little jealous we had to leave. But even though I sit here with tears in my eyes, giving into the ‘those who trod the path before us’, I know it’s a good decision…growing pains is what this is…for her and us. What lies on the other side is a stronger, more confident, and wiser child…or shall I say ’adult’.

And as we approach our landing, and the crazy shapes give way to city blocks and high rise buildings…we will land and deboard, driving home with one less… we will move forward, just like all the parents before us, who not only lived to tell about it, but boasted with pride about their accomplished children…and that is where I will find my strength.