Coming back from the Devastation of Expectation

Another one bites the dust… Another expectation dashed in the face of hope…

In all honesty, I have rarely had good results from my expectations.  My goal has always been expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised … When I go to events, I rarely get excited because I have learned to sit back and let the night unfold.  For the most part, it’s always worked for me.

But this blog isn’t so much about events… as it is people…. I can’t believe I let it happen again…

I try so hard to look at people for who they are and let them be just that… But every so often, expectations creep in that I didn’t realize I had set.   Then reality sets in, I get shocked or disappointed, and it takes me down for the count!

I just spent the night talking to my daughter about her expectations of one of her friends.  I told her she has no say in what her friends choose or the choices they make or the friends they hang with.  All she has control of is who she is and how she responds to each situation.

And then it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks, that I had expectations placed and in that, I had inadvertently assumed that I had an ounce of control over someone else, with the pretense of helping… only to realize that we never actually have control over anyone.

I then realized that I have spent the last few months trying to manipulate things to be better.  I saw a hurting heart and thought I could help it heal.  I spoke from the heart, I gave my thoughts on growth, and diversion…… I figured my words of wisdom were sinking in.  My subtle threats (if you will) being taken to heart.

I found out they weren’t.  Not even by half….

It’s amazing when you think you are making an impact and find that your words fall on deaf ears.  You want so hard to blame the deaf… only it’s really not their fault…  It’s yours…

Today, reality hit me between the eyes,  and I had to sit back and take a hard look at myself.

The very advice I tried to give my daughter totally evaded me in my own expectations.   My own advice had fallen on my own deaf ears,  yet I was so quick to judge another!

If there were scars for each bullet I received between the eyes in life, I’d have no face left.  Live and learn my ass… Live and lose wins again….

We go in with the best of intentions in life and relationships.  We pour our heart and souls thinking we can actually impact another.  But truth is….some are not to be had.  And that’s okay.

We need to learn to take away that we gave the best we had, and that fallout is still a possibility and there is  no one to blame.

Yet, I sit here with my soul mortally wounded, asking myself where everything went wrong….

And the answer is, nothing is wrong.  It just is what it is.  No amount of counseling or consoling could penetrate, despite my efforts.  And that’s okay.

This time…the lesson is mine.  A great reminder that we don’t have all the answers.  And sometimes, though we think we are the teachers…we are still the students.  And it’s Okay that it hurts.  Because that is when we grow.

And I don’t know about you, but I don’t ever want to stop growing.  My life is way richer with each lesson I survive.

Expectations… you have another victim… Life..you live to mentor another day….

I’ll take it.