The moments that count

I’ve been pretty introspective lately…well I’m always introspective, but I have been iterating it a lot more than usual.  Life Ebbs and Flows, and I guess I’m just in the “flow zone”, so there ya go….

It just seems a lot is going on lately that makes me think, makes me wonder, appreciate, sympathize and empathize…. And I can’t help but write it down.

The last week has been fraught with a ton of emotion, and today it all hit me and rendered me fairly useless.

I couldn’t even do my hair, so I had to call in reinforcements and go to a blow dry bar.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I paid someone to wash, dry and style my hair …. and I have no regrets.

We need to be able to accept when life makes you cry “Uncle” (if you don’t understand this, ask a 40 something to explain it to you).

Between the teenage drama in the house and a school friend passing from cancer, my brain tapped out.

You ever feel that way?

Well, today I pulled it together enough to get to the memorial service for my friend.  I knew a few of my high school friends would be there, but I showed up alone, and wandered in to the line to sign the check in book.  As I stood there, I started seeing familiar faces.

As this was my friend from Jr. High and High School, a lot had happened and she new many people that I would have never seen before.

But as I saw the few familiar faces… my other classmates, I felt a small sense of belonging.  These are the faces that I have seen time and again over the years since graduation.  Some of those faces I have known since I was 5.  And here they were, honoring our friend, dressed in their Sunday best present and accounted for….

And that’s when it happened…. more introspection….

I guess it’s not so ironic that the church we gathered in to honor our school mate was the same church I had spent so many childhood Sundays; where I’d had my first communion (in a beautiful, yet really itchy dress my mom made, only she didn’t line it and I still cringe looking at that dress that is now hanging in my closet) and where one of my best life long friends – who sat to my right to honor our schoolmate – walked down the aisle in her (forgive me) first marriage.  I sat in the pew and watched her, in all her beautiful glory as she walked in to meet her soon to be husband.  It’s the church where my once upon a time best friend (who left me for my boyfriend) and I had a ‘coming back together moment’ as the priest spoke of forgiveness.  I swear he was talking to me that day… (it was one of the few times I listened, because it was a Catholic Church and if you have been to one mass…you’ve been to them all).

As we sat in the very same church to honor our dearly departed, I almost felt a full circle moment.  And I realized how small we are…. How we give such importance to the most ridiculous things and forget to value the bigger picture moments, such as this.

I’m not sure if it’s because I’m closer to the grave than the cradle or what, but I really feel like I’m taking in more now, than ever.  Appreciating the moments as they happen.

And as I sat with my School friends after the service, I realized how cool it is, on even a small level, that even though I don’t see my school friends on a regular basis, or even every year – that when moments happen, life moments….we all come together.  And for a moment, I felt just a bit bigger in the world as if what we do really matters.

Today was a total “check in” moment.  A beautiful reunion to honor a beautiful soul.  As I looked at my schoolmates, I couldn’t help but feel a total sense of pride in these amazing people who will one day, possibly, bare witness to my life.  Or I to theirs.  Today they felt like my family and they gave me comfort in realizing that though we don’t see each other on a regular basis….we do matter in this world.  We are somebody and we did make a difference.

I loved the moments I spoke with ease both in current events and past memories.  We laughed out loud together in remembrance.  We honored our friend with our presence and our love.  And we honored each other with the comfort of knowing that when life happens, we will be there, to show respect and appreciate what we have contributed in this life.

Yes…maybe a little heavy… but you gotta admit… pretty awesome.